Screams

Screams keep me awake, the echoes of screams long since trailed away. I'll never ever forget remembrance day.

Make me..

Patronize me,
Tell me just how useless i am because of my differences,
tear away what ever is left that anyone would consider individual.
Make me a carbon copy by applying stereotype or explanation.
Make me who i am, like i am everyone else,
I am not anyone else.

Criticize me,
Tell me how imperfect i am,
How little i do for the world,
How stupid i am.
Tell me that i'm the worst whose walked.
Have i hurt anybody?
If i have then make me who i despise,
I Love Being Me.

Tell lies to me,
Make me think what you've always hoped,
Bring your ego to the forefront, Vanity close behind,
hidden behind only a thin veil of smug happiness.
You've beaten me, i have no reply,
but i have so much to say.

Cry to me,
Tell me your sorrow,
expecting sympathetic recognition.
For your out of ammunition,
You're head without cognition.
Make me a shoulder to cry on, But i'll never support you.

LUCKLUCKLUCKLUCK

I may be naive but i know things. I know that i've lived too long quiet about who i am, and my friends.. most of them.. dont know a crucial piece, a small one but a crucial one :P SO i've decided upon a master plan on how to tell my friends i like both genders. This master plan is an age old concept,a game thats beenw ith us since our children were young'uns. This game is truth or dare, wish me luck :] I Need Luck.

I want to Know...

You put a dog in the desert he starves,
you put a mouse in the ocean she drowns.
Yet we put people, of all kinds in one place.
Trying stubbornly for the way to make them the same,
though what is truly equal in sameness?
Is it more equal than stereotypical slurs,
spat from the mouths of racist, sexist, phobics.
I want to know, if we all integrate, can we be equal,
or would we constantly seek to be different.
I want to know, if women are equal,
why are they seen as smarter, superior, maniacal,
When men are supposedly simple and foolish.
And why this could possibly put us on different scales.
I want to know why a man of different belief has to fight to be the same,
is it spite, a common need or envy.
I want to know why equality is being the same,
instead of understood difference.
I want to know why i care so much, why it eats at my heart and mind,
why people cannot be equal, no matter what we do.

I Am Me

I am Not Yellow,
I am Not Blue,
I am Not mellow,
I am Not You,
I am Green.
I am Me.
I hope you are to :]

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This poem means everything to me, Please Comment

The Cleansing Fire

Breathing fire
upon the world.
Bending pages, rending lives,
tearing souls from their resting places.
Breathing Fire.

Playing with Fire,
a dangerous decent into a kingdom of unhappiness.
A place where you lose yourself
and everything you thought you cared about
But you never did, because if you did, you really wouldn't be
Playing with Fire.

Engulfed in Flame,
a game you never chose to enter,
one to which you were never invited,
But you're there, forever.
In this Neverending game
Endlessly,
Engulfed in Flame.

Bleeding fire,
it runs in your veins, resembles your hair
its just always there.
You Bleed it, you seethe it,
it follows you wherever you run.
It taunts you, in its darkest form it flaunts to you
the most orange of flames reminiscent in every vision of yourself.
No matter what you do you're very image will forever be,
Bleeding Fire.

Cleansing fire,
its supposed to cure all that ails you
but instead it simply fails too.
Like all other things it just makes you feel darker
weak, limp, afraid..
The Fire is forever you're greatest fear,
because it reminds you of all you wish was not there,
the world that hides behind the veil you keep so tightly drawn about yourself
and the world that hides so neatly behind the veil sealed forever by one final power,
The Cleansing Fire.

God doesn't hide behind the heavens, if he exists at all he is with us
he is not quiet, he is not simple, he is not merciful
he is taut, and strict, he is justice,
he is Fire. He is Death. He is Life, He is resurrection. The beginning, the end.
But he is not I, he is not the living, nor is he the dead,
he simply watches, waits and eventually.. claims us.
He is the in-between, the one who seeks and finds, but never lives and never dies,
He is;
Cleansing Fire, Bleeding Fire, Engulfed in Flame, he plays with fire and Breathes Fire upon us.

And we are the ashes and the timber,
we await his touch, as logs awaiting the caressing flame of a fireplace
and once he finds us, we fall apart, we cripple, we end..
We are Ashes, we are what he has touched.. if he exists at all..
and i think he does.. just not as you hope he would be.

As Long as you Love

I am A Frog, far from a prince
but your kiss makes me believe otherwise
you bring my heart beating in a distinguished disguise.

I am A Frog, nowhere near a lord
But your love makes me think in other ways
bringing my smile stretching for many coming days.

I am a frog, and you are the princess
your infatuation a pure confusion to me
But i'll never leave you, though thou dost be a fool
to believe that i could be more than a fly catching tool.

As long as you Love, i will feel like a prince
able to rise forth on every coming sunrise
smiling sweetly in my regal guise.

As long as you love, i will rise as a lord
a heart as strong and courageous as a lions roar
a Life much greater than ever Before.
----------------------------------------------------
i Love You :)

Secret Light

Bleeding moonlight, seeping deep
dripping quietly from nighttime pores as we sleep
A thousand rays of unnamed light
Fall when our eyes cannot hold sight.
But when we wake our rest is done
the light, still hidden, is finally gone.

Teasing and taunting us while we cannot know
as we wonder hopelessly how it would show
how it would shine its vision to our eyes,
beckoning with a glorious surprise.

How can we even know it exists?
A secret light, draped heavily in mists.
How could we even trust the ideas its brought?
When for it so many wars have been fought.

Simple fact, it isn't there
its a lie to bring our existence a fear.
Not all will renounce the non-existent light,
for to do so would cause the dependent mind a fright,
an agony unheard of rational minds
to take away such belief would far from be kind.

Let sleep exist for those who believe
those who in that darkness weave
the tales so fabled and yet untrue
what pain could it bring to you?

The Lump in my throat

A lump in my throat, lays there for you
i wish i could be there, calm your sadness, still your tears
Put back the pieces with superglue
Push back all of your fears.

A Lump in my throat, cuz things haven't been right
You deserve a lot more than this, than the cards you've been dealt
i wish i could stand by you in your battles, help you fight
so i could just know that my efforts have helped

Just a tiny bit..

The Lump in my throat is foreign to me
usually i'd just sit here and cry
i wish i could comfort you, somehow.. maybe?
But instead i have to sit here, on the other side of the world,
as you die on the inside.
--------------------------
To Bekki

The masked stares upon a raven in a rainy sky

The Raven Named Ryan
Soars woefully through the sky
Depressed and feels like crying
But he's too afraid to die.

The rain of Bex
Falls mournfully from the sky
Grabbing to anything, a continuous annex
When shes too afraid to die.

The mask of Chels
Staring hopefully toward the sky
While many people pass, to her there is nobody else
And shes not afraid to die.

Pain tears through all of us, but we constantly prevail
The world a violent master
But never do we fail
in delivering our duties, protecting our lives
Join us together so we may finally be satisfied.
------------------------
ohh myy :P Boredom does bring good things too.. right? i hope..?
and VERY long titles :P

My Rose :)

My rose, how you grow
Thorns jutting humbly outward
petals in such delicate rows

Never leave me
Never whither
Grow in my garden
stay and be
everything you deserve.

My rose, you smell so sweet
your aroma enticing
calling me to your firmly rooted home
always inviting

Never leave me
Never whither
Grow in my garden
stay and be
everything you can.

My rose, dont use your thorns
i just want to be next to you
i want to admire every petal
and never notice what others think is wrong.

Never leave me
Never whither
Grow in my garden
stay and be
anything you want.

My Rose, please dont leave me
Never fall to natures cruel cycle
Never Whither
Never Falter
Just stay with me and spread your beauty forever :)
---------------------
i Love You

My Piss has Cooled

I'm writing again, got another Novel idea.. thats right roll your eyes.. i deserve it. I've had so many IDEAS that have been SO strong but i let them slip away, i dont deserve to capture your attention this time, it could be just another idea to be lost by a lazy writer.. But this time things are different.. in a strange way these characters are personal and i cant let them be forgotten, cant lose them. I will finish this novel, no matter how long it may take. I'm not quitting. I'm not straying. I'm setting a course and sailing True.

To some the plotline is a secret and to those i paln to keep it taht way for a while, i WILL tell those who are close enough to deserve it.. But i will also keep it quiet for some until they can read a few chapters. So, if anybody wants to talk about the plot, do it on msn :P

The Hill

Towing his luggage up a Steep, sloping hill
he sniffs out the scent of a fresh gutted kill
with such a grim smell stinging his nose
he stood very still, unmoving, he froze.

The bushes, they rustled, not far away
as the sky was losing the last hint of day.
The traveler, he sprinted, trying the run
and drew from his belt an old rusty gun.

He hoped, prayed to god, that the weapon was loaded
as everything within him surely exploded
with a fear so intense he could hardly stand
while his legs tried to move at his crazed mind's demand.

As he stood at the top of the hill
he turned to find that the whole world was still.
The fresh stench of death still held the air
but to the traveler the world was finally fair
and empty and peaceful and lonely
But he was not alone, far from the only
soul on the hill.
The other slunk silently, hoping to kill,
this easy and foolish prey.
Blood was to be spilled today.

------------------------------------
Personally i hate this poem.. but i finished it nonetheless.. PLEASE comment

Heating My Piss

Man the world is boring these days. I cant write at all.. i hope it hasn't left me but.. i'm starting to worry that it has :/ I mean I haven't been able to write since November.. its not fit.. not at all.. I'm starting to worry.. no block has lasted so long. Mom told me "Nothing to heat yer piss over" a funny expression it is.. but it really is something to "heat my piss over"

yes it is.

Busy

The snow fell in a divine light today
its something i'd wish to show you
but rare as it is, busy you are
its something you cannot go to.

The ice separated in a wondrous crack
its something that i'd love you to hear
but rare as it is, and busy you are
it'll have to wait for another year.

The world holds a great bounty of beauties,
you yourself hold a place among them,
of course you'll never see every one that comes to my eyes
but i wish you could.

---------------------

Don't misinterpret these poems, i don't mind that you're busy, that i can easily handle. Its just when something seemingly one of a kind comes along and you're not there.. it feels sorta empty. Like the wonder of the moment has been wasted :P

and yes, I know i'm weird.

Only One

Watch the snow dance in the sunlight
illuminating every virtue
the picturesque white of every flake
mirroring my thoughts of you.

How you dance through my mind
constantly, accidentally, eluding my vision
as i crave for your beauty, unique and divine
our eyes endure a painful fission.

I'll be here until your done
no matter how many days we spent apart
you're simply the only one.

--------------------------------

Just a little bit of assurance to a certain special person in my life who has been pretty busy lately :P I can wait, I'll always crave you here, always thirst for your presence, but I can wait. :)

CHRISTMAS!!

Holy Christmas!!!

I'm soooo hyped for it.. i still need to mail Bex's gift.. i still need to wait 14 days.. but i'm SOOOO hyped!!

I wanna give my gifts now.. i want to see the look on Bex's face.. i wanna sing Christmas songs (which i am) .. i wanna decorate (which i was.. and fuck b'y i even i wanna bake cookies!!! Thats a rare occasion.. when i want to BAKE.. or do any work really.. i'm even happy to do Christmas Cleaning.. just means the holiday is getting closer and closer and soon... WHAM! it'll be here, right in our Faces!

Then the Christmas specials.. they're finally on TV, a reason for Me to watch TV, a rare occasion indeed.

I think its cuz i have somebody more to buy for than my family.. theres Chels and theres Bex and i'm gonna try for Bones and Lo (not a priority but i wanna try).. this is the first year where i'll buy gifts for more than three people.. and i LOVE it!!! Makes me Really happy :P

12am

9:45 and all was well
the little boy was far from hell.
He pranced around so free from thought
and to all others his ills were forgot.

10:30 and all was fine
the lonely boy was far from dying.
The light inside still burning brightly,
malicious intentions held only slightly.

11:15 and things got worse
death danced around like a demonic curse.
The boy lost his kindness and every friend,
along with the fear he'd held of life's end.

12am the sky ran red
the boy, now older, lay cold and dead
a knife clenched tight between his fist
with long red tracks along his wrist.

Shouting Out to My Fellow Bloggers

Following suit to one of my best friends VideoGirl, i have decided to place some quick, shoutouts on my blog account to my best friends and fellow bloggers. All of which are.. ironically, Girls;

First of All theres Bex: You were there when i was lonely.. nobody to understand me, you vented to me and listened to my troubles. As You still do. I needed that, and i still do. Your my sister, my blood brother of sorts, and we're very much alike. You trusted me with viewing your writing and you made me feel good whenever i was low. I just hope i can do the same for you BekkiBex.. i just hope i can be the friend you were to me.

Then VideoGirl herself of course: What can i say but.. Tweet Tweet SQUACK! :) You were always around to make me laugh up a lung and shat bracks and canaries all over the place. You listened to stuff you probly didn't wanna hear and always made me feel better somehow, usually from randomness but it worked wonders. Thanks a billion and two Bing.

Of Course theres Bones: You may trip over fences and fart to rival a nuclear warhead, you also have 1001 reasons to frown. But still your laughing, every fucking second of the day. Theres always something funny around you, some joke to make to your nickname or your blond moments. And your never sour, never outright bitchy. Its YOUR fault i have all of these awesome friends, YOUR fault i met Chelsea and Laura and Mitchell and the Michael's. All because you wouldn't shut up and leave the shy kid alone. Thanks for that, i can never thank you enough, but thanks.

And then theres Allie: What can i say you're a really one of a kind girl forsure. You can write poetry about nearly anything from the themes of the fact taht you dont want anymore pills cuz your already high on life to the simple yet horrid topic of writer's block. Your immensely versatile and you've always been there to listen to my rants and my troubles and you haven't really asked anything of me in return. Thanks so Much! :)

And Finally Chels: It all Began with a stupid Stienz who noticed nothing.. When the girl he REALLY REALLY liked.. liked him, he hadn't noticed and continued to think her WAY out of reach. She was too clever, too cute, too social... but then again.. because he didn't think it possible he noticed nothing.. in that he missed every time she moved close, every time she favored him over others.. he just didn't think it possible.. he didn't think he could be loved by anybody else :P

But he got over all that with a push from a friend.. thats when he decided he'd tell her.. he did.. and here we are.. after waterfalls, Orange Tangy things, New nicknames: Juno, Woody, Bleeker, Tomato Bisque.. and simply a New World.. where theres something worth living for other than hope. Something more than, "things'll get better" They're just fine as they are, aand without needing it things DO just get better and better and better. You are the BEST thing in my life, the best thing thats ever been there.

And Now:

What can i say that i haven't repeated, i'd kill for you, i'd die for you, if you were gone i'd disappear too, I wish i were near you even more, all i'd ever need from you is a hand to hold and i'd be happy.. what you've given me is so much more so much stronger, You are beautiful no matter what you think, You are brave and strong no matter how much belief is put against that, I want to hold you when your cold and wipe away every tear, You've listened to everything.. awkward and beyond, and you've told me everything.. awkward and beyond, your incredibly cute when you're stubborn, when you have your little fits of OCD, when you get easily amused, when your staring into space, when you hold compassion in your eyes, when your eyes are blazing with any emotion, Your eyes are incredible, I'm such a dork i cant stop smiling, i'm such a tard i cant stop laughing and also.. most importantly of all I Love You.


I Love All You Guys!

Home is where the heart is

Home is where the heart is,
and with you i'm never astray.
If Home is where the heart is,
why, at my house, is my heart far away?

Home is where the heart is,
with you i'm always there.
So if Home is where the heart is,
why am I comfortable no matter where?

Because You're there.

Home is where the heart is,
for you its always beating,
so i can follow the steady drone,
follow surety's reading,
All the way to the only place i can truly call Home.

Wherever you are.