Screams

Screams keep me awake, the echoes of screams long since trailed away. I'll never ever forget remembrance day.

Make me..

Patronize me,
Tell me just how useless i am because of my differences,
tear away what ever is left that anyone would consider individual.
Make me a carbon copy by applying stereotype or explanation.
Make me who i am, like i am everyone else,
I am not anyone else.

Criticize me,
Tell me how imperfect i am,
How little i do for the world,
How stupid i am.
Tell me that i'm the worst whose walked.
Have i hurt anybody?
If i have then make me who i despise,
I Love Being Me.

Tell lies to me,
Make me think what you've always hoped,
Bring your ego to the forefront, Vanity close behind,
hidden behind only a thin veil of smug happiness.
You've beaten me, i have no reply,
but i have so much to say.

Cry to me,
Tell me your sorrow,
expecting sympathetic recognition.
For your out of ammunition,
You're head without cognition.
Make me a shoulder to cry on, But i'll never support you.

LUCKLUCKLUCKLUCK

I may be naive but i know things. I know that i've lived too long quiet about who i am, and my friends.. most of them.. dont know a crucial piece, a small one but a crucial one :P SO i've decided upon a master plan on how to tell my friends i like both genders. This master plan is an age old concept,a game thats beenw ith us since our children were young'uns. This game is truth or dare, wish me luck :] I Need Luck.

I want to Know...

You put a dog in the desert he starves,
you put a mouse in the ocean she drowns.
Yet we put people, of all kinds in one place.
Trying stubbornly for the way to make them the same,
though what is truly equal in sameness?
Is it more equal than stereotypical slurs,
spat from the mouths of racist, sexist, phobics.
I want to know, if we all integrate, can we be equal,
or would we constantly seek to be different.
I want to know, if women are equal,
why are they seen as smarter, superior, maniacal,
When men are supposedly simple and foolish.
And why this could possibly put us on different scales.
I want to know why a man of different belief has to fight to be the same,
is it spite, a common need or envy.
I want to know why equality is being the same,
instead of understood difference.
I want to know why i care so much, why it eats at my heart and mind,
why people cannot be equal, no matter what we do.

I Am Me

I am Not Yellow,
I am Not Blue,
I am Not mellow,
I am Not You,
I am Green.
I am Me.
I hope you are to :]

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This poem means everything to me, Please Comment

Hope

Sleeping through her existence.
She searches for fairytales in the ditches of her nightmares.
Living with a plaster smile and a heart filled with nothing but hope.

Crying before bed.
She drops her panties and virginity upon a car seat,
after just one week of his lies.

Bruises appear on her arms, her legs and her face.
She tells her friends of her clumsiness,
neglecting to mention that she fell upon his angry fists.
They laugh at her, she joins in, tears swell.

She tells him of the parasite growing in her stomach,
he yells that she should get rid of it,
she tells him "No" Crying as she does.

He slams the door as he departs,
lost forever to her eyes,
for her vision is blurring, from the pills shes ingested.
She hopes it wont be long, smiling.

Poetry is dying

i cant crank it out like i used to.. at all. But Prose is coming back. With death comes a resurrection, the end of everything creating a new world in which we may experience life in a different way, see all in a different light.

Its been ages since i last posted. So i must say one thing. I am really truly happy. I did Not expect to be after i broke up with Chelsea. Because i had been this kind of happy only with her. I DID expect a tremendous amount of relief and revelation, both of which i've received a wondrous bounty. But i'm also happy, Ashley is Very different and in MANY ways shes better.. i assume she must be lacking to Chelsea in ways.. but i cant really see that right now, so its all 'Peachy Keen' (Dont really know what that means other than 'Very Good'). And just.. i've found myself in a whole new way. With Chelsea.. it was to simply be in love with bing in love, to write about it thinka bout it rant about it and go on and on and on about it. With ashley.. i'm reading an amazing book, getting back into some good videogames, Keeping very busy, getting back into old habits andhobbies :P And even some new ones! i'm loving life, its so much better than loving love.

Stolen

You've stolen my heart
i wish i could have given it away
But you just took it so easily
you just couldn't wait.

And i Love this feeling,
Falling for you
being with you
No longer naive
Just knowing, and rightfully so
Where my heart is meant to go,
because it wasn't my choice.
You stole it away.

Now every day i'm stuck needing you here,
an emptiness in my heart
that makes it feel so much more filled when i'm with you.
And, i've just fallen so hard, so fast,
i Really cant stop smiling when i know you aren't far.
Everything bad in my life just melts away from me.

Ashley Baby, you make me feel like i'm alive
All because you've stolen my heart away.
Never give it back.
I'm much happier with yours than my own :]

New Beginning

Bohemian Rhapsody by the fire as we watch glowsticks melt and sparks raise so beautifully into the sky. Most of the people there i barely knew.. but it never really mattered. I had an amazing night yesterday, and i plan on working my way into the Dick Club.. SOME DAY! The girls got bigger trees than us guys.. but then again.. they cheated of course :P And then taking the bus in circles because the metrobus driver was a dumb-ass and told us the wrong bus to transfer to. Watching the ocean lap up the sand into its massive gullet, forever hungering for the sweet embrace of earthy flesh as the stars stare down fondly upon many happy fools toying around a campfire as Evan looks girly with his hoodie, and with the fact of him holding our stuff as we carried the wood to the beach hovering over his head. But this.. This is happiness.. doing nothing special with a good bunch of people, just being contented.. thats all you ever need. All you need is to be content.. you Need friends.. you need people who will be there, who want to be there, and try to be there.
If soembody else has to feel bad a week or two so you can not be miserable for a long time. Then its worth it :)

Just one week?

just one week, just one week, just one week.
its what my brain keeps telling me.
It'll make things better, you'll be happier, she'll be more sure, you'll both be together more.
its what i've been trying to think.
But all i hear is by heart beating an unusual tune of
What went wrong, i thought it was better, tuesday was great, everything was resolved, you could look at jason without feeling weird, you could love her just as you wanted to, alone time wasn't even needed, just.. time.
I just keep thinking something must have gone wrong, what did i do wrong, how did i prove its not being fixed.. because if i did, i'm sure it was accidental, i'm sure it wasn't the truth. Or maybe tuesday was only good for me? Maybe she was still worried, maybe i did something strange, maybe i just set her to thinking that things were getting worse. I keep thinking that, shes assured me that no, its because of past problems.. i hate that response, i really do.. cause those were problems i was so sure were fixed. With them off my back i was happier, i felt lighter. I Loved wholer. And with a smile on my face i walked to the corner of the lunchroom to be told of the flasehood in my thoughts, the idiocy in my beliefs. And then i was told, it'll help.. told to believe it, told it was needed. Why am i such a fool that i never knew? Why do i still think things were fine, Why cant i know that this is the right thing? Maybe its not.. Maybe shes just overreacting because of worry, worry it'll start up again.. that is possible, its something i'd do.. maybe not to this extent, but it mirrors such paranoias that i can understand. So for whatever reasons she needs the time specifically she can have it. I want things to be better with her, i want her to be clear in her mind about us. I want to prove myself, i want her to know i can Love her one way or another.
But i wont go near another girl, it cant happen, she told me to, told me it was something i should do.. but its something i cant, something i have no desire to do, in fact only distaste in the idea of doing so.
I wish she could feel the way i did about tuesday, the day i believed things had gotten better.. But i must be wrong, they got worse, and it was my fault.. i cant see it any other way. Who else could it have been? i'm just useless, i'm untrustworthy, i shouldn't even exist.. and i'm too much of a coward to fix taht error.. oh well.. i just wish i could be as happy as i was wednesday morning..