Awkward Moments

I'm such a tard i cant stop laughing
while adorable moments whisk us away.
These wonderful moments i cant help mapping
as i write about the brightest of days.

I'm such a dork i cant stop smiling
while wonderful moments strive to pass us by.
These beautiful days, my memories tiling,
are worth more to me than the sky.
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This one here is super personal, the first line of each of the stanza's are words that i'll NEVER forget :P

Bittersweet Goodbye

Guys if you read this get on msn for fucksake, i need somebody to talk to...
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Crying now, for things yet unknown
tears appalling yet steadily grown.
I might lose what i've loved the most
having nothing left but memory's ghost.

But once i think i see it good,
not for me but as it should.
She and i will eventually smile
after our hearts have been given a while.

But if she stayed what would become
may be much worse than a duller sun.
What may have happened scarred us both forever
not letting us have what staying could sever.

So tonight i sing a bittersweet goodbye
crying at any hint of lullaby.
For if tonight ends with sleep
I'd bet the bitter more than sweet.

Seek You Out

I've always known each and every Poets song had meanings hidden under many layers, and they've always interested me in this way. Today i found the meaning of Seek You Out in my own world, no longer in the world of Marko's perception. In it I both smile and frown. Its only the chorus that really tells me but its been playing in my head all day.

The certain somebody wants to freeze things as they are, because of the bad things going on around her. 'I'll seek you out just to find myself and i'll worry 'bout consequences later' Thats what i've been doing the whole time, i really like her so i'm seeking her to kind of still that feeling, to find myself again, even though i've ignored the consequences of getting involved in the troubles only to be reminded later by her :P

I guess i'll have to wait, and hope things turn out good. (and maybe that she'll possibly change her mind, but i doubt that :P)

Rainwater and Piles of Smiles

First of all i should start with camping. It started off wonderfully, the fog of the morning was clearing and almost everyone had showed up, we all had our stuff and all was good. That is until it started pouring rain, Brad went home, Greg and John didn't come so it was just Me, Jim, Ian, and Mitch. We put up the tent, soaked to the bone with rain and scrambled in. We watched Jeepers Creepers 2 and then went to bed, so little to do in the rain. I slept a total of three hours tops and woke at 5am to listen to the poets belt Miss Impossible in my ear from my trusty ipod :P

Jim came up to my house and for hours we scrambled to find something to do tonight.. anything. First we were going to a movie.. but that fucked up, then we were going to Chelsea's but that screwed up.. then we were told of a small party, with our good friends getting together, so we jumped for it. We watched Darness falls and by the time it was over... Darkness had Fallen so we went for a walk around the road where the party was. Lotsa people were freaked out (including myself, but nobody else knew that :P) but it was still fun. Also being with somebody that night made my week. :P

This weekend was worth its weight in gold for the piles of smiles it granted me.

100th ENTRY

Not really for anything but the incredible landmark of my 100th entry!!!!!

Something small to raise my spirits :P

Fun Night, first good news in a while

hahahaha so many awesome things tonight.

I went to my friend Mike's house for a party (his is usually just hanging around with a BUNCHA people). When we got there we had barbecue (i couldn't eat, fucking butterflies) and it wasn't just hotdogs or hamburgers as is the norm... nope we had RIBS and chicken wings, surprising to have such good food for so many, a welcome surprise, i had to choke down some no matter how full my stomach was of those fluttery fuckers.

Afterward we went for a long walk in the woods... okay it was a hike, but it was awesome. Me and somebody (:D) were side-by-side the whole time. It was a great hike, good scenery and as we headed back the moon was rising and it glowed a brilliant orange, a harvest moon!!! It was beautiful, so very beautiful.

Then we got back and a projector was set up at the side of Mike's house and chairs were set up, we watched a movie on his house :P 30 Days of Night, i'd seen it but it was still good... especially cuz that same somebody sat beside me the whole time, holding my hand and squeezing it for a returned comfort every time she got a scare, which admittedly wasn't much :P

Also to give you a laugh, my friend Alicia (haven't known her too long) got humped by Mike's dog as we watched the movie... they had to drag the animal back into the house as she laughed and squealed all at once :D

But yeah, it was a great night, i'm sure happy for tomorrow even though earlier i got wind of something that should have me sad again, thank god that i was happy for a while, it meant the world.

Way of the World

Used to believe things were so good
thats lights shone so brightly
and all's as it should.
But that was a long time ago,
though only days it seems to others,
for i've traveled miles apart
from many ignorant sisters and brothers.
The world thrives as it breaks us down
dulling our bladed protection
rising in resonant darkness
though many hold no connection.
People aren't simply to blame
nor is god or the animals which surround
its simply the way of the world,
from the great starry sky to the barren, dirty ground.

Dark Disguise

Paranoid, I'm so fucking paranoid
running around with shadows in my eyes
screaming at every swaying tree branch
all holding the similar, dark disguise.

Guilty, now more than ever before
pits in my stomach, stirring the butterflies
tears threatening at every lonely silence
all holding the demonic, dark disguise.

Worried, more than I'll ever be again
my mind never far from the topic, the one that never dies
blood boiling at every innocent thought
each now wrapped with that morbid, dark disguise.

Laughing, hysteria gripping, like in every sorrow
I'll hate these moments forever, loving them all the same...
Why can't it be over tomorrow?

Naked and Skinned

Boxes and bows, laces and strings
all of them pulled away
revealing horrible things.

Pulsating puss and blood-ripened gore
all floating away
as i try to wrap them once more.

The papers and ribbons
dance away with the wind.
That was my innocence,
now naked and skinned.

Cleverly Created Disguise

The darkest whisper in my ear;
the secrets you now tell me
ones i didn't really want to hear.
They are of horrible, terrible things,
ones told of in my stories.
But isn't life supposed to be happier,
filled with love, life and glories.
But what is said now is so much more,
so much less than expected.
How could life ever make you feel
so hurt and rejected.
So Very few see who I see,
the same strength and weakness in your eyes.
So very few would want to see
past your cleverly created disguise.
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To a friend I so very much wish I could help in such times of horror, terror and fear I've only ever seen in writing. I wish this was a simple fairy tale where happy endings never falter.

Life

Puzzle pieces, fit them together,
just don't expect to be helped.
Meticulously placing with an exhausted mind
as the puzzle box is shelved.
In The Game of Life.

Order forms, send them neatly,
make sure they're perfectly stacked.
Pass them on to those who await them
just don't expect them back.
In The Job of Life.

Things thrown at you, none expected,
but all must be done to perfection.
Everything stacked, hysterically tidy,
for all but one exception,
The End of Life.

Blood Brothers

We sat together, exchanging words
and wondering whether it was plausible,
for us to exchange vows of blood
even though it seemed so impossible.

We've said it all a thousand times,
but it never truly seemed final.
So we searched for what truly defined ourselves
to bring our meaning revival.

Questions came to our minds,
wondering simply; how?
But with two minds that think as one
that question is answered now.

For blood flows much farther than veins,
much brighter colors than red.
And with the rainbow of imagination
we entwined our minds and our heads.

In that we swore to forever be brothers.
To listen when others cant understand
and even when we, ourselves cannot.
Our minds will bleed together as we are forever bonded.
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To Becca, for this oath didn't just mean a lot, it meant everything :D

The Liars Queen

Not my favorite poem but i think its worthy of the blog
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The Liars Queen,
she dictates their deceitful actions
while speaking not a word.

The Liars Queen,
the empress of escapists
those who fear what others cant know.

The Liars Queen,
her people's only fear
though she does nothing to scare them.

The Liars Queen,
is naught but the truth.
She speaks not a word.
She incites not a sound.
But they fear her most of all,
The Liars Queen,
for only she sees them as they are.

The Doctor

The doctor's in,
but his tools are unlikely.
Trust seems a sin,
but what else can you do?

The doctor's in,
a radio firmly in hand.
CD's slowly begin
and sweet music floods in...

The doctor's in,
his voice a seductive whisper.
Speaking just below the melody,
his words no less than poetry in the night.

The doctor's in,
but he wears only a cloak of promise,
while drifting along upon a cloud of melody,
trying to help you sustain your memories.
His oath is no longer for your life
but for the heart which flutters sweetly in your chest.

The doctor's in,
and he knows best.