Surprise, Surprise, unpleasant surprises

Surgery is now next Tuesday's ordeal. Tomorrow is the pre-op (the point in time when I figure out whats gonna be done in detail). And I'm both excited and nervous. I need to get my editing done ASAP or else I wont get my story in for the magazine, but my weekend is full and I'm being dragged away whenever I start it.... also i'm worried about the length... it seems like it might be too long for a magazine, i'm starting to wonder whether i should make a shorter story, a different one... i started the story just in case while i was at school in a fury of worry... uhh! Too much happening at one time!

And now (as Becca should know) i'm feeling worried for a good friend, I might not even be there for him. Fucksakes, I'm in deep now.

Alone

Talk to me...
I'll calm you down.
Listen to your words.
Be sure you dont frown.

Talk to me...
I'll take in all your sorrow
hold it a while.
You'll feel better tomorrow.

Talk to me...
Dont bottle it up.
Dont sleep on your sorrow.
Pass it to me, i'll share the pain.

Talk to me...
But never too much.
Every bottle can break
if it just holds enough.

So who then will listen when I need to talk?
Will you hold an ear to my trouble?
Or will you turn, leave me to walk...
alone.

Boredom

Had a day off school today, thought i was really lucky. But then again, I hadn't planned anything, I'm not good with plans, I don't ever make them until the very day I want things to happen. It usually works out... but not today. Today everyone had something to do, I had nothing. I also had writer's block so not even writing could save me. So I tried looking up some familiar funny videos on youtube, I hoped they'd cheer me up but of course I didn't bother to think. When i'm pissed i can't laugh and today, because of the boredom, I was royally bitchy. Nothing to do... still :(

Anywhere

Lost in Darkness.
No way out.
A pitch black Hell.
I Scream and Shout.
You're not there.
I'm all alone.
I don't know where.

Lost in Darkness.
A thousand empty doors.
A pitch black Hell.
My feet covered in sores.
You search to save me.
I'm still alone.
Searching for light to see.

Lost in Darkness.
Traps set in every direction.
A pitch black Hell.
Only lit by your reflection.
Your voice radiates in my mind.
I'm still alone.
Search and you shall find.

Lost in Darkness.
But finding my way.
A pitch black Nightmare.
Being won over by day.
When you are there.
I'll never be alone.
Anywhere.
----------------------------------------
To my friends overseas, Becca (my guide) and Alev (my light) thanks for saving me so many times.

The Fall of an Angel

Born a cherub angel
A smile to brighten the sky.
Lying in loving arms
as life dances by.
Nothing ran away
it chased me by my tail.
Then and there was my way

...But no more

Taught a noble Seraphim
knowing right and wrong.
Fighting all the evils
for much more than too long.
Everything lying at my feet
never bothered with work.
Once upon a time that was my seat

...But no more

Now I am as Lucifer
fallen from the graces.
Too lost among my own ideals
to bother with others places.
I have only what I strove to find
and indeed nothing other.
Though all, to me, are sweet and kind

...not for long

Writer's Alliance NL

This is the magazine that will likely hold the story which held thesaurus words and 'impossible' intelligence. Its gonna have its first copy printed in July, which means I'll have my 'thesaurus' story in A FIRST EDiTiON!!!! I'm so happy, so excited. I got news that the creators are still thinking over whether it will be an online magazine or the real thing.... I hope its something I can hold in my grubby fingers and hang it as a trophy in my room but its not my choice in the slightest. My friend who set me up for this isn't my only connection in the mag... one of my other friends is an editor, I didn't even know! :P. Amazing that you can get connection without even working for it :D

Fellow Bloggers this is the greatest even thus far in my life if it works out and I sure hope it does, cross your fingers for me!!!

Masks

Today I wear a mask of gray
though my mind and sadness is blue.
You wont see me on this saddened day
How can I expect to see you.

Today I wear a mask of gray
though my angers and feelings are red.
You wont see me on this agonized day
as no more emotions are bled.

On this day my mask wont seem to be there
for my torment and anguish is still.
I don't have time for such things to bare
until anger and sorrow are willed.

Refusal

So I've been thrashed by the arts and letters committee of Newfoundland and Labrador because my words were too big for my age and I had to have abused a thesaurus. I'm enraged and depressed all at once for this especially because, since the contest was done by letter I cant stand up for myself... I feel so useless right now but Becca's and Alev's words were a great comfort to me so atleast I wont be crying, I'm now stubborn to the bone to get this story seen..... as a big 'FUCK YOU!' to that committee.... though doing so may be a heavy task I'm ready... I hope


By the way what wrenches my gut the most is the words I get from people saying that the judges are idiots, never anything else. I understand how this may help somebody but its so much of the same thing. Never a word about how I should keep going, how I should fight back..... nope, only you guys. And now I wonder is the mask I wear too good?


It feels childish to complain so much, please enlighten me, I'd really like to know if it is...

Handichips

My teacher loves the idea of what will happen and what has already happened in technology, and I thought I might just share the one that surprised me the very most.

There are scientists studying a microchip to put in your hands. It'll work as a key for your house, a bank card, a key to your car, a way for the cops to track criminals and all that jazz but then again you'd loose all your privacy. Its possible for your parents to track your location and you'll never feel the embrace of privacy again, its even spoken about that it may be implanted at birth so you have no real choice..... is this a continuation of technology or a backfire of human ignorance we shall see....

Irrefutable Lover

A knife stapled to his fingertips
Darkness shining in his eyes
Blood from his jacket faithfully drips
In defiance he wears no disguise.

Thanks for watching, go away now
Thanks for bearing, leave me alone
Thanks for living, when you dont know how
Thanks for caring, hang up the phone.

He stands over as you lay on the ground
truth falling from the lies he discovered
all emotions ripped apart, all demons found.
Lost unto the irrefutable lover.

Thanks for coming, go away now
Thanks for sharing, leave me alone
Thanks for running, when you dont know how
Thanks for crying, hang up the phone.

Stabbed in the back.
Love lost forever.
Gained what you lack.
You'll never get better.

Thanks for dancing, go away now
thanks for singing, leave me alone
thanks for loving when you dont know how
Thanks for dying, now pick up the phone.

Forever Lonely

You sit there alone
Tears battering your eyes
holding back a moan
in a flimsy disguise.

Dont hide from me
When you need my help
Dont tear away from me
As I care no more for myself.

Hiding from the world
You run far away
just a little girl
who has fallen much astray.

Dont run from me
When you need me so much
Dont come unglued from me
as I long now for your touch.

Hastily hunting shadows
dancing 'round the dawn
running after rainbows
Falling dearly for no one.

Dont hide from us
When I'll always be there
Dont slice the love of us
Everywhere and Nowhere.

I chase you alone
my tears falling slowly
my voice, now a pathetic tone
cries out, forever lonely.

Song of Psychosis

Seductive whispers in your ear,
all these beautiful evils spoken.
As we wait and hope to hear
our darkest side awoken.

Sing me a song of Psychosis
as it crawls into your being.
Dance in sweet hypnosis
its psychosis you've been needing

You struggle against ideals in mind
writhing against their grasp.
Until, once more, your thoughts are kind
with normality as a mask.

Sing me a song of Psychosis
as it crawls into your being.
Drink it down in large doses
its psychosis you've been needing

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I know the first thought will come from the thought of the new POTF song but in actuality its not even slightly a product of that, more of the thoughts rushing through my brains lately.

Been a while

Sorry guys that I've been absent... life has been hectic to say the least. I'll get back to posting very soon, I got a poem written down that I cant find but when i do I'll post it here. I'll always have something to say, it just may take me a while to get it out :P