Holiday Revelation

I wont be trick-or-treating this year..... For the first time ever.... I cant believe how empty halloween feels without a costume, Without candy in a garbage bag, without tramping around pouch cove only keeping happy because of the goodies to come. Though the holiday hasn't yet past, or even came close to beginning I feel sad for what I'll miss. I feel childish holding on so tightly to such a celebration but I've liked it almost more than Christmas all my life (I would like it more but Fall is too damn cold around here). All things must be lost, only to be found again later i guess.

Holiday craziness!!

October isn't started but christmas stuff is on the shelves, thanksgiving decorations are yesterdays news. Does this make any sense, will they have easter stuff out on boxing day.... I'm appalled at humanity's ned for material objects such as Christmas decorations so early in the year. The fat little bearded man stares happily from store windows its hardly natural to enjoy the delicious the creepiness of halloween while saring at his cheery mug.

BAH HUMBUG

Return to innocence

Anger bleeds like a flowing river
Sadness pours onto the giver
My innocence returns in only a sliver
I want it back

Pain tears through like a violent ocean
Hatred runs wild in a terrible motion
Of my innocence I have only a portion
I wish it would return

Hell is a realm i dare not to enter
Though my thoughs fall toward the center
Finding my innocence I am not meant to
I cant have it, but I want it even more

Tired

My eyes droop, and its only 10:00 PM. I wish I was able to write but I dont have any ideas, If this progresses into writers block I may cry. I'm at such an interesting part in my book it wouldn't be fair to face writers block... Oh well thats life. I dont want sleep but I need it, waking up at 6:30 AM every weekday is murder. But if I dont go to school my life will drown in the dreary lake of failure. So I wake early and sleep early also, what a waste of time sleep is but without it what kind of writing would I be able to do? Pathtic scribbles?

Surgery Problems :(

I found out that for 6 months after my surgery I wont be able to lift anything bigger than a dinner plate! That means I cant even carry my bookbag to school and what am I gonna do about book... sigh. Nevermind that but I'll be unable to do much more physical activity than walking for 12 MONTHS, A WHOLE YEAR! Can't even jump on my new trampoline, play soccer, RUN damn I'll be writing and forum jumping for a long time unless I feel the need to reverse my surgery.......

Tutoring

Just got back from my first experience of tutoring someone. I tutored in math and am now $20 richer, Thank God that Crystal is generous, $10 an hour is a lot. If I would have been the one suggesting a price it'd probably be half of that but I'm not complaining the more money the better.

MRI

Childish I know but, hell, why not?

I was sent into a darkened tube today
To lay and wait for an x-ray
40 minutes came and went
before I knew my time was spent
With test results are tests to come
With surgery they'll all be gone

On My Deathbed

I have seen much suffering in my life, heck I've created most of it. But nothing compares to what I see here on my deathbed. I dont know if its the fact that its my own crew standing there being slaughtered or if the navy are the incarnation of feirce and heartless brutality. My ship is slowly sinking from a hole bored by the cannons of those navy scum and I have been given the honor of going down with her. An arrow peirces my stomach, a pain only imaginable to those who have suffered such things. I have two choices at this moment I can leave the arrow and suffer or remove it and undoubtably die, I have decided to suffer, ending my own life would be too hard on my pride and if there is an afterlife I would forever suffer there also I need to let my memory live on, let people know the hell i am living at this moment.

Blades clash and the noise echoes into the night, my crew fight valiantly in the sure face of death, they kill as many as their blades can touch before they swim with the sharks. A select few accept their fate, realizing the futility of fighting and let themselves die, they dont derserve to have felt the gentle rocking of the waves on my 'Maybeth'. The cabin boy has been drowned in my own blood, the pool in which i lay, the one that the arrow has made for me. The poor boy, a naval boot held his face down until his struggle ceased, he was not even a teen, far to young to have ever felt a true loving embrace, instead death shall hold him forever in its cold winding halls. Just weeks ago I taught him how to steer 'Maybeth' and taught him how to use a cutlass, that knowledge was useless this night and it hasn't served him as it should. Tears are as uncontrollable as death, they fall from me at this moment upon such reflection of the boy, incase you care his name was James, more important to me than my ship, for he was my son, he always will be and soon (if not already) he will be with his mother in the ivory halls of heaven as I will soon lay rotting in the dark halls of Hell.

The crew is all gone, the navy is leaving but I feel in a new sense of awareness, the sound of the waves and the cawing of the gulls is all I hear, a shining light appears before me and my Maybeth stands before me, James in her arms, she beckons me to the light from which she came and I will follow, wherever it leads for she is my love, my life and my death, forver and ever, to the ends of time we will follow eachother, remember these words and the truth will be yours to see.

The light fades and I am alone once more, free from painful dillusion but much more awake to the death around me. I see my friends laying in their own blood, blades still clasped tightly in their hands, they fought well and will soon be one with the ocean, the most beautiful mistress any sailor should behold. But the ocean never held such a luster in my eyes when i stared within her depths I saw Maybeth her everlasting beauty held a shining torch in my mind, one that will never extinguish. My ship is fall into the sea but still I am unready for death, for she can hold me another day, this night revenge will poison the air and blacken the sea, none will stand between me and it's burning halls of death and flame.

I have boarded the lifeboat and plan my voyage to Fort Sorrow, those within it's walls will know it's namesake better than it's creators. The ocean gently rocks my boat and my thoughts drift to the better days that brighten even my worst nightmare, the days when James, Maybeth and I were together, James was only a child then, barely old enough to speak but he still charmed Maybeth to a smile with every word. Her smile could purify the greatest darkness, if only she could give me one last smile, one last kiss, one last touch.

As my memories slowly left my thoughts I saw the dock of Fort Sorrow, the surrounding village, once my home, still oblivious to the crimes of the navy. They must have been made to forget the words of Maybeth and Isabel, Isabel was Maybeth's sister, she was killed shortly after Maybeth. I thought of staying the night but quickly ruled it out after remembering the arrow still lodged in my stomach, if that wouldn't arouse suspicision I don't know what else could. Instead I came to one descision, the only way I could fulfill my vengeance upon those worthless sacks of entrails would be to hunt them down now, leaving them no chance to discover me before my plans for each of them were finished. I snuck to the back of the fort and slowly made my way to the front entrance where I swiftly and quietly killed the gatekeeper, with his keys I made my way inside. Quietly killing those who were watching the halls that marked my path they should be thankful that their death was as painless as it was, the others would face much worse. As I began checking rooms I found one that deserved every torture I had been imagining, it was his boot that had suffocated my son and it was mine that would cause him his most painful experience. I quickly grabbed a rag laying on the ground and snuck behind the bastard. I shoved the cloth in his mouth before stabbing my cutlass partly through his back, a stifled moan echoed from his mouth enough to make me cringe, even through my hatred of him. I then held him down as i sloly cut him up in ways so horrible I dare not descrbe them to you in fright of constant nightmares. Then as his blood rippled on the floor I held his face to it until his breathing stopped, why I did such things to any man I will never know.

As I walked through the halls making my way to the captain, the demon who took away Maybeth's life I heard shouts from a room not far behind me, they had found a body, they were closing in behind me, I knew they would catch me but I kept going, desperate to fulfill what I had began. I made no effort to keep the deaths silent or intricate anymore, I simply wanted the captain, the others could live for all I cared. When I finally found his office I revelled in my victory and held my blade tight in my hand, if he killed me atleast i would know that I had tried something, not let myself die, not let such a thing go.

I walked into his office, he was waiting, but alone. He threw a blade at me in desperation for his life, he feared me though I had done little. I kept walking toward him, he threw quills, vases, and other objects at me as I neared him, when my blade was close enough to hurt him he drew his own. We duelled for awhile but I knew it had to end fast, lest his guards strike me from behind. I kicked him in the groin and his blade hesitated to block my next strike, it hit him in the neck and he fell. I then crawled into the corner and began writing. The footsteps are nearing me now and I know my death will not be quick if they find me, I have nowhere to run so I will remove the arrow, ending my life but bringing me to my family, a fair trade.

A Bloody sign - the first short story

I sit upon a strange island contemplating the odds of how this wonderous night went so wrong, did i upset the gods and require punishment or was i simply an unlucky sailor finding in due time what i had dreaded for years. Either way what is done is done and nothing can change that fact, might as well write away my pain.

I sat upon the deck of my faithful barge, she'd sailed with me for a good many years and I felt an unhealthy connection between her and I, I'd probably say that we'd become one and the same after so many years. I could barely tell whether the salty spray refreshing my face was remanents of a violent wave or a loppy droplet crashing against her hull. As the light fell from the sky, scattering from the wrath of the darkness the moon tore from the sky brandishing the blood of fallen sailors, a warning to us that trouble would follow. My crew feared the sight whispering tales of demons and monsters of the deep, all foolish nonsense I thought while fondly steering the ship toward our destination. The red moon was a common sign of misfortune to superstitous folk, much unlike myself. Their was whispers that when the moon was red it was the devil smearing the bloody remains of those who had died at sea and fallen into his kingdom across the moon. All for fools and beggars not merchants with such an importance as myself.

Soon my thoughts were interrupted by a loud clunking noise at the nose of my ship, as I looked overboard I grimaced at the terrible omen, my Maria was wading through the corpses of dead fish, blood smearing her hull. I heard many losing their meals over the side and mutterings of death all around. I rose my voice and assured everyone that there must simply be something within the water that was killing the fish, a poison or something of the sort and as long as nobody ate them we'd be perfectly fine, though truthfully I was unsure of the truth in my words. After Maria had torn through many dead fish a terrible sight caught my eyes, planks of woods littered the ocean and masts floated gracefully around in the black water, flames lit the remains of a fishing vessel, three grotesquely disfigured bodies lay upon a large plank of wood, their eyes and jaws were missing along with fingers and various strange bite marks upon their faces, chest and arms. I stared in shock and awe, fearing the worst for my crew.

Cries and suggstions of what could have done such terrible things carried through my ship like the whisper of wind in a pile of dead leaves. I raised my voice once more and blamed pirates for the destruction of the ship and sharks for the disfigured bodies, but once again I didn't believe my own words, but I was given a pleasant suprise when my lies had calmed many of the shaken voices. I continued through the wreakage with fear and a new sense of faith. I found myself praying for my safety much more than once throughout the silence that followed the discovery of the disfigured fishermen. The silence gave me the chance to remember what I'd lose if I would die that night, and I soon realised how little that was. I had no family, such a busy man as myself had no time for women or children, gods forbid a happy life for a rich man. My life was my ship, Maria, the crew, and of course the money were my only company in life. I'd gladly trade what I had for normality but I'm too far in years to worry about such things, there's no going back now.

A loud growling sound flooded the night air, it held a slight beauty at first with such contrast with the silence until the screaming of my crew followed, there was nothing I could do to calm them now, there was no reassurance I could give them, or myself to explain such a noise. Soon the growling multiplied into many eerie voices resounding perfectly in the moonlight soon halting the commotion on deck to a silent panic. Several men ran to cannons in hopes that they could scare or kill what was terrorizing the crew, what they found was much worse than could be imagined. The three disfigured fishermen were climbing the side of the ship, their fingers digging into the wood with an inhuman strength, their teeth glimmered like pearls in the darkness while showing their razor sharp edges as if somebody had bothered to sharpen them. Several other cadavers bearing the same diusfigured faces and bodies joined in with the growling chorus, as the first few had arrived aboard they tore through my crew like wet paper, taking the care to brand the dead delicately with their common disfigurement.

In fear I unhitched the lifeboat and hopped in, taking several crewmates with me, as we rowed quickly toward an island in the distance we were plagued with the memories of what had become of our friends aboard my ship, my Maria. the ship soon began to wobble, we questioned the source but with blind fear we left the culprit to our imagination and decided against checking to find out what had caused our disturbance. When we were only meters from the island the wobbling intensified and one of the men in the boat let his curiosity control him, he took a hard look overboard, scrutinising the very water until a three fingered had gripped his face and tore him into the water, we heard his muffled screams from within the water but decided, we had no better choice than to keep rowing. Another was taken just before we came ashore, when his brother tried to save him he failed and simply ended up giving his younger sibling some company. When we came to land only two stood before me to represent the five survivors I had taken into the boat. I began to write upon the beach in fear that the creatures may come ashore for us, I fear that my time on earth has found its end and simply hope that my words will reach the ears of open minded readers, those who will warn the world of the dangers when the moon begins to bleed.

Nobody

tears are wiped smearing my brow
Who would care? Nobody now.
My life is ahes in a burning fire.
Nothing for others to desire
Hateful thoughts riase into my head
But dare i speak them, I'd rather be dead
Things like 'I love you' I'll never speak
Not while you call me a nerd and a geek
All of your teasing you'll all be sorry
Because in the end I'll have the glory
Its nothing against you ignorant bliss
But you're the one this world should diss
My voice falls silent to the crackling flames
When will you see me? Never again.

Optimism

Illuminating the night
with thoughts of light
Blind to everything that should be seen
You'll never become what I have been
You wrap your pain with a pretty bow
Vowing never to have hurt in tow
Hiding from the truth in life
Never participating in another's strife
Why is all cozy and bright?
Do you tuck yourself away from fright?
Can you hide forever from hurt and pain
or will you see the dark again?

Falling into ice

cold and pain rush through
as I am thinking of you
You care for very little
As your heart is cold and brittle
Anger toward all
is how you're going to fall

As I look into your eyes
its as if i'm falling into ice
Love is a word I'll never use
If I keep thinking of you
So why am i drawn
to one who hides the dawn

To me naught will suffice
but falling into ice

Nightmare

I cannot see through my bloody vision
All is pain, all good is hidden
Evil lurks 'round every turn
Nothing from my lessons learned
can help me escape from this place
A Dark and Sordid disgrace
People scream begging for help
But we all must worry for ourself
The dying cry a loathsome sound
before death drags them to the ground
Where we rot, and maggots will feed
As Darkness falls away from me
All pain is gone, the good returns
'Twas a simple dream in a hellish world

Sadness

Another poem:

Sadness tears into my life
Throwing away thought and strife
I lose my mind and make numb all feeling
Until my life becomes appealing
Every path falls to a maze
Against the neverending gaze
Of those who hate
Those who mindlessly abate
And those who toss around feeling
as if it holds no meaning
But to those who feel sadness in their hearts
Take heed to living art
Treat it with tremendous care
And share your love everywhere

In relation to happiness

This is one of my first poems so dont be harsh:

Without sadness can we ever truly be happy
Can we smile when there is nothing to frown about
Would we simply be stiff, boring and thoughtless
Would there be poetry, lyric or prose
Would there be love, religion, war or death
everything would be nothing
nothing would be everything
and we would be infinately ALONE

A Naive Raven

If you see the blog you'll wonder why naive? Well I'd assosciate it with the naivity hidden within my words because of my lack of experience in life, being 14 doesn't bring enough knowledge NOT to be naive.

First post

Never blogged before but need a place to put my thoughts, thanks to the Poet In The Jar I found this site so expect some poems and prose and maybe some random reality in the future.

I'll put on a bunch of poetry and prose first then the blog will die down for a while, only until I get some ideas.