LUCKLUCKLUCKLUCK

I may be naive but i know things. I know that i've lived too long quiet about who i am, and my friends.. most of them.. dont know a crucial piece, a small one but a crucial one :P SO i've decided upon a master plan on how to tell my friends i like both genders. This master plan is an age old concept,a game thats beenw ith us since our children were young'uns. This game is truth or dare, wish me luck :] I Need Luck.

Heating My Piss

Man the world is boring these days. I cant write at all.. i hope it hasn't left me but.. i'm starting to worry that it has :/ I mean I haven't been able to write since November.. its not fit.. not at all.. I'm starting to worry.. no block has lasted so long. Mom told me "Nothing to heat yer piss over" a funny expression it is.. but it really is something to "heat my piss over"

yes it is.

Shouting Out to My Fellow Bloggers

Following suit to one of my best friends VideoGirl, i have decided to place some quick, shoutouts on my blog account to my best friends and fellow bloggers. All of which are.. ironically, Girls;

First of All theres Bex: You were there when i was lonely.. nobody to understand me, you vented to me and listened to my troubles. As You still do. I needed that, and i still do. Your my sister, my blood brother of sorts, and we're very much alike. You trusted me with viewing your writing and you made me feel good whenever i was low. I just hope i can do the same for you BekkiBex.. i just hope i can be the friend you were to me.

Then VideoGirl herself of course: What can i say but.. Tweet Tweet SQUACK! :) You were always around to make me laugh up a lung and shat bracks and canaries all over the place. You listened to stuff you probly didn't wanna hear and always made me feel better somehow, usually from randomness but it worked wonders. Thanks a billion and two Bing.

Of Course theres Bones: You may trip over fences and fart to rival a nuclear warhead, you also have 1001 reasons to frown. But still your laughing, every fucking second of the day. Theres always something funny around you, some joke to make to your nickname or your blond moments. And your never sour, never outright bitchy. Its YOUR fault i have all of these awesome friends, YOUR fault i met Chelsea and Laura and Mitchell and the Michael's. All because you wouldn't shut up and leave the shy kid alone. Thanks for that, i can never thank you enough, but thanks.

And then theres Allie: What can i say you're a really one of a kind girl forsure. You can write poetry about nearly anything from the themes of the fact taht you dont want anymore pills cuz your already high on life to the simple yet horrid topic of writer's block. Your immensely versatile and you've always been there to listen to my rants and my troubles and you haven't really asked anything of me in return. Thanks so Much! :)

And Finally Chels: It all Began with a stupid Stienz who noticed nothing.. When the girl he REALLY REALLY liked.. liked him, he hadn't noticed and continued to think her WAY out of reach. She was too clever, too cute, too social... but then again.. because he didn't think it possible he noticed nothing.. in that he missed every time she moved close, every time she favored him over others.. he just didn't think it possible.. he didn't think he could be loved by anybody else :P

But he got over all that with a push from a friend.. thats when he decided he'd tell her.. he did.. and here we are.. after waterfalls, Orange Tangy things, New nicknames: Juno, Woody, Bleeker, Tomato Bisque.. and simply a New World.. where theres something worth living for other than hope. Something more than, "things'll get better" They're just fine as they are, aand without needing it things DO just get better and better and better. You are the BEST thing in my life, the best thing thats ever been there.

And Now:

What can i say that i haven't repeated, i'd kill for you, i'd die for you, if you were gone i'd disappear too, I wish i were near you even more, all i'd ever need from you is a hand to hold and i'd be happy.. what you've given me is so much more so much stronger, You are beautiful no matter what you think, You are brave and strong no matter how much belief is put against that, I want to hold you when your cold and wipe away every tear, You've listened to everything.. awkward and beyond, and you've told me everything.. awkward and beyond, your incredibly cute when you're stubborn, when you have your little fits of OCD, when you get easily amused, when your staring into space, when you hold compassion in your eyes, when your eyes are blazing with any emotion, Your eyes are incredible, I'm such a dork i cant stop smiling, i'm such a tard i cant stop laughing and also.. most importantly of all I Love You.


I Love All You Guys!

The Cheesy Truth

Been a while since my last post, alot has gone on since then i guess.. I've started school again and really i'm not dreading each day as i did before.. i'm actually looking forward to EVERYTHING... everything seems happy now :P I got Chels to thank for that i guess :)

But this post isn't about school its about the awesome thing that happened today. When Bex and Chels finally met.. not literally of course, being so far from eachother and the fact of Bex's teleporter still being built :P

But i gave Bex Chels's msn after asking Chels first whether she'd like to meet her or not :P Of Course she did, knowing how important my faraway friends are to me. And i'm happy to say that i can truthfully say that they both really opened up to eachother and i couldn't be happier, knowing that my Sister in blood and the one i truly Love can actually call eachother not only friends but according to Chels sisters.

I'm smiling wider than ever, with the simple exception being when Chels held my hand the day after i'd told her i liked her :) Thats the Cheesy Truth, and i wouldn't have it any other way!

Vacation i dont wanna have :/

Going from Monday to Thursday to my cabin. But i dont wanna go. My friend Emily is coming back from holidays on monday.. so i wont see her.. my friend mitch is moving on Thursday so i'll only see him off at the airport.. i dunno BAD TIMING i guess :/ and then again i talk to Chels every day
Dunno what i'd do if i couldn't :P Sounds pathetic but its true :P

Seek You Out

I've always known each and every Poets song had meanings hidden under many layers, and they've always interested me in this way. Today i found the meaning of Seek You Out in my own world, no longer in the world of Marko's perception. In it I both smile and frown. Its only the chorus that really tells me but its been playing in my head all day.

The certain somebody wants to freeze things as they are, because of the bad things going on around her. 'I'll seek you out just to find myself and i'll worry 'bout consequences later' Thats what i've been doing the whole time, i really like her so i'm seeking her to kind of still that feeling, to find myself again, even though i've ignored the consequences of getting involved in the troubles only to be reminded later by her :P

I guess i'll have to wait, and hope things turn out good. (and maybe that she'll possibly change her mind, but i doubt that :P)

Rainwater and Piles of Smiles

First of all i should start with camping. It started off wonderfully, the fog of the morning was clearing and almost everyone had showed up, we all had our stuff and all was good. That is until it started pouring rain, Brad went home, Greg and John didn't come so it was just Me, Jim, Ian, and Mitch. We put up the tent, soaked to the bone with rain and scrambled in. We watched Jeepers Creepers 2 and then went to bed, so little to do in the rain. I slept a total of three hours tops and woke at 5am to listen to the poets belt Miss Impossible in my ear from my trusty ipod :P

Jim came up to my house and for hours we scrambled to find something to do tonight.. anything. First we were going to a movie.. but that fucked up, then we were going to Chelsea's but that screwed up.. then we were told of a small party, with our good friends getting together, so we jumped for it. We watched Darness falls and by the time it was over... Darkness had Fallen so we went for a walk around the road where the party was. Lotsa people were freaked out (including myself, but nobody else knew that :P) but it was still fun. Also being with somebody that night made my week. :P

This weekend was worth its weight in gold for the piles of smiles it granted me.

Fun Night, first good news in a while

hahahaha so many awesome things tonight.

I went to my friend Mike's house for a party (his is usually just hanging around with a BUNCHA people). When we got there we had barbecue (i couldn't eat, fucking butterflies) and it wasn't just hotdogs or hamburgers as is the norm... nope we had RIBS and chicken wings, surprising to have such good food for so many, a welcome surprise, i had to choke down some no matter how full my stomach was of those fluttery fuckers.

Afterward we went for a long walk in the woods... okay it was a hike, but it was awesome. Me and somebody (:D) were side-by-side the whole time. It was a great hike, good scenery and as we headed back the moon was rising and it glowed a brilliant orange, a harvest moon!!! It was beautiful, so very beautiful.

Then we got back and a projector was set up at the side of Mike's house and chairs were set up, we watched a movie on his house :P 30 Days of Night, i'd seen it but it was still good... especially cuz that same somebody sat beside me the whole time, holding my hand and squeezing it for a returned comfort every time she got a scare, which admittedly wasn't much :P

Also to give you a laugh, my friend Alicia (haven't known her too long) got humped by Mike's dog as we watched the movie... they had to drag the animal back into the house as she laughed and squealed all at once :D

But yeah, it was a great night, i'm sure happy for tomorrow even though earlier i got wind of something that should have me sad again, thank god that i was happy for a while, it meant the world.

Dancing

School dance yesterday. Had tons of fun.

I danced as I sang, I was probably the most memorable person there, dancing to nearly every song with such driving energy I nearly passed out when I got home.

I only slow danced once, turned down th second and third time by different people so the fourth and final i called it quits, not wanting another polite "I'm waiting for somebody" or simple "No thanks". Though that far from dampened my spirits.

I had a great time, cant wait for the next one.

ALL MINE!!! >:D

I'm getting a computer all of my own, no worries of my dad or my sister bothering me to get off so they can get on. I'll have the chance to type up stories instead of writing them out first!! I'm so excited, dad already has most of the parts I need, all thats left is speakers and a hard drive (whatever that is). When its all in one piece you can expect so many more posts from me :D

Novel Breakthrough

Killing off characters really worked (thanks Becca) the story really is better and finally its interesting enough for me to find a way to continue to the actual 'hunt', I've got just the extra push I'll need when I'm bedridden for two weeks.

Yeah surgery is still on my mind, its finally found reality in my mind and truthfully I just want it to be done and over with, no dangling the prize or a regular back in front of me while I fell the pain like a knife in my right shoulder. Soon it'll be over, the pain gone the normality found my life as it never was. But I wonder could it be the pain the fuels my writing, the pain that I no longer notice because of consistance, could I lose all that I've strived for with the promise of being just an inch closer to normality.

I'd say probably not but after being given the chance for paranoia I seize it and use it like a candle in the dark, a beacon toward my destination and a sheild to what is possible but improbable.

Halloween

I decided I would not be grown out of halloween for a LONG time and went out trick-or-treating last night with a HUGE gang of people (9 is a lot for me). 6 of them went back in while me and two others stayed out for another hour before retreating back to Jess' house. Really fun night, wont quit halloween ever again :D

Home at last

Ontario was fun, my cousins lived in a farming town so it was quiet and we did lots of exploring in the woods. I saw frogs that lived in trees (never saw any that weren't in water), I saw salamanders (the first lizard i ever saw), I saw my first deer, and I saw a BLACK squirrel and I smelled a skunk (never saw it tho) all of these animals are in newfoundland so it was pretty cool (not smelling the skunk tho).

In the woods around their house are woods and pathways galore. Though I'm used to that sort of thing the woods around my house are less human oriented, here's some stuff I saw and heard in the woods there. Firstly there was a bunch of wrecked cars scattered throughout the place. Secondly there was a broken down shack that must've served as a house around a hundred years ago judging by the old stove type thing. While inside the house I took some pictures that I'll post later and afterwards I swear to god I heard a person coughing beside me, it wasn`t my cousin so we bolted it back to his house. My cousin, Jason, also found a cow (or horse judging by the teeth) jawbone, teeth attached.

But not all of the trip was nature oriented. We went to the mall on the first day (yuck) FOR 5 HOURS, I nearly collapsed. Yesterday we went to see the parliament building never got far, tours were sold out but it was a really cool building, all made of stone and full of ornate carvings. Ottawa is a HUGE town in comparison to anywhere in Newfoundland, simply travelling there made me feel isolated for living in such a small place.

We were there for two holidays! My aunt`s birthday and Thanksgiving (North American day celebrating all we`re greatful to have).

My cousins have a really chubby cat, she`s really cute tho. She lays beside her food dish and dips her paw in the water and lower it carefully to her mouth where she laps up the liquid, sometimes she does the same with food. She also lays down on her back like a dog waiting for a belly rub.

Despite all of the fun I had its great to be home.

My poor dog :(

He's blind and he's diabetic and he's still one of the happiest dogs I've ever seen. He has two needles a day and eats very small portions of what a normal dog would. His only treat is two carrot sticks a day and I cant help but feel bad for my little pet. We've only had him for a year now, but he's Seven years old.

But this morning I got the worst fright of all. While I was leaving to go wait for the bus to school I noticed there was blood on the floor. My first instinct was Riley and sure enough for one reason or another his mouth was bleeding, I wondered whether he had banged into a wall ( he does it a lot being blind and all) or ate something he wasn't supposed to, I told dad, because he works night shift and would be home all day. According to dad's report Riley stopped bleeding soon after Me and my sister left so he didn't take him to the vet and Riley doesn't seem too bothered so I assume everything is fine

Surgery Problems :(

I found out that for 6 months after my surgery I wont be able to lift anything bigger than a dinner plate! That means I cant even carry my bookbag to school and what am I gonna do about book... sigh. Nevermind that but I'll be unable to do much more physical activity than walking for 12 MONTHS, A WHOLE YEAR! Can't even jump on my new trampoline, play soccer, RUN damn I'll be writing and forum jumping for a long time unless I feel the need to reverse my surgery.......

Tutoring

Just got back from my first experience of tutoring someone. I tutored in math and am now $20 richer, Thank God that Crystal is generous, $10 an hour is a lot. If I would have been the one suggesting a price it'd probably be half of that but I'm not complaining the more money the better.