The Raven's Nest

Screams

2009-11-11T16:37:00.000-03:30

Screams keep me awake, the echoes of screams long since trailed away. I'll never ever forget remembrance day.

Make me..

2009-11-04T19:37:00.003-03:30

Patronize me,
Tell me just how useless i am because of my differences,
tear away what ever is left that anyone would consider individual.
Make me a carbon copy by applying stereotype or explanation.
Make me who i am, like i am everyone else,
I am not anyone else.

Criticize me,
Tell me how imperfect i am,
How little i do for the world,
How stupid i am.
Tell me that i'm the worst whose walked.
Have i hurt anybody?
If i have then make me who i despise,
I Love Being Me.

Tell lies to me,
Make me think what you've always hoped,
Bring your ego to the forefront, Vanity close behind,
hidden behind only a thin veil of smug happiness.
You've beaten me, i have no reply,
but i have so much to say.

Cry to me,
Tell me your sorrow,
expecting sympathetic recognition.
For your out of ammunition,
You're head without cognition.
Make me a shoulder to cry on, But i'll never support you.

LUCKLUCKLUCKLUCK

2009-11-04T19:34:00.003-03:30

I may be naive but i know things. I know that i've lived too long quiet about who i am, and my friends.. most of them.. dont know a crucial piece, a small one but a crucial one :P SO i've decided upon a master plan on how to tell my friends i like both genders. This master plan is an age old concept,a game thats beenw ith us since our children were young'uns. This game is truth or dare, wish me luck :] I Need Luck.

I want to Know...

2009-11-04T17:26:00.003-03:30

You put a dog in the desert he starves,
you put a mouse in the ocean she drowns.
Yet we put people, of all kinds in one place.
Trying stubbornly for the way to make them the same,
though what is truly equal in sameness?
Is it more equal than stereotypical slurs,
spat from the mouths of racist, sexist, phobics.
I want to know, if we all integrate, can we be equal,
or would we constantly seek to be different.
I want to know, if women are equal,
why are they seen as smarter, superior, maniacal,
When men are supposedly simple and foolish.
And why this could possibly put us on different scales.
I want to know why a man of different belief has to fight to be the same,
is it spite, a common need or envy.
I want to know why equality is being the same,
instead of understood difference.
I want to know why i care so much, why it eats at my heart and mind,
why people cannot be equal, no matter what we do.

I Am Me

2009-10-04T01:11:00.002-02:30

I am Not Yellow,
I am Not Blue,
I am Not mellow,
I am Not You,
I am Green.
I am Me.
I hope you are to :]

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This poem means everything to me, Please Comment

The Cleansing Fire

2009-04-18T00:41:00.005-02:30

Breathing fire
upon the world.
Bending pages, rending lives,
tearing souls from their resting places.
Breathing Fire.

Playing with Fire,
a dangerous decent into a kingdom of unhappiness.
A place where you lose yourself
and everything you thought you cared about
But you never did, because if you did, you really wouldn't be
Playing with Fire.

Engulfed in Flame,
a game you never chose to enter,
one to which you were never invited,
But you're there, forever.
In this Neverending game
Endlessly,
Engulfed in Flame.

Bleeding fire,
it runs in your veins, resembles your hair
its just always there.
You Bleed it, you seethe it,
it follows you wherever you run.
It taunts you, in its darkest form it flaunts to you
the most orange of flames reminiscent in every vision of yourself.
No matter what you do you're very image will forever be,
Bleeding Fire.

Cleansing fire,
its supposed to cure all that ails you
but instead it simply fails too.
Like all other things it just makes you feel darker
weak, limp, afraid..
The Fire is forever you're greatest fear,
because it reminds you of all you wish was not there,
the world that hides behind the veil you keep so tightly drawn about yourself
and the world that hides so neatly behind the veil sealed forever by one final power,
The Cleansing Fire.

God doesn't hide behind the heavens, if he exists at all he is with us
he is not quiet, he is not simple, he is not merciful
he is taut, and strict, he is justice,
he is Fire. He is Death. He is Life, He is resurrection. The beginning, the end.
But he is not I, he is not the living, nor is he the dead,
he simply watches, waits and eventually.. claims us.
He is the in-between, the one who seeks and finds, but never lives and never dies,
He is;
Cleansing Fire, Bleeding Fire, Engulfed in Flame, he plays with fire and Breathes Fire upon us.

And we are the ashes and the timber,
we await his touch, as logs awaiting the caressing flame of a fireplace
and once he finds us, we fall apart, we cripple, we end..
We are Ashes, we are what he has touched.. if he exists at all..
and i think he does.. just not as you hope he would be.

As Long as you Love

2009-04-12T19:11:00.002-02:30

I am A Frog, far from a prince
but your kiss makes me believe otherwise
you bring my heart beating in a distinguished disguise.

I am A Frog, nowhere near a lord
But your love makes me think in other ways
bringing my smile stretching for many coming days.

I am a frog, and you are the princess
your infatuation a pure confusion to me
But i'll never leave you, though thou dost be a fool
to believe that i could be more than a fly catching tool.

As long as you Love, i will feel like a prince
able to rise forth on every coming sunrise
smiling sweetly in my regal guise.

As long as you love, i will rise as a lord
a heart as strong and courageous as a lions roar
a Life much greater than ever Before.
----------------------------------------------------
i Love You :)

Secret Light

2009-03-02T22:14:00.002-03:30

Bleeding moonlight, seeping deep
dripping quietly from nighttime pores as we sleep
A thousand rays of unnamed light
Fall when our eyes cannot hold sight.
But when we wake our rest is done
the light, still hidden, is finally gone.

Teasing and taunting us while we cannot know
as we wonder hopelessly how it would show
how it would shine its vision to our eyes,
beckoning with a glorious surprise.

How can we even know it exists?
A secret light, draped heavily in mists.
How could we even trust the ideas its brought?
When for it so many wars have been fought.

Simple fact, it isn't there
its a lie to bring our existence a fear.
Not all will renounce the non-existent light,
for to do so would cause the dependent mind a fright,
an agony unheard of rational minds
to take away such belief would far from be kind.

Let sleep exist for those who believe
those who in that darkness weave
the tales so fabled and yet untrue
what pain could it bring to you?

The Lump in my throat

2009-01-25T20:39:00.002-03:30

A lump in my throat, lays there for you
i wish i could be there, calm your sadness, still your tears
Put back the pieces with superglue
Push back all of your fears.

A Lump in my throat, cuz things haven't been right
You deserve a lot more than this, than the cards you've been dealt
i wish i could stand by you in your battles, help you fight
so i could just know that my efforts have helped

Just a tiny bit..

The Lump in my throat is foreign to me
usually i'd just sit here and cry
i wish i could comfort you, somehow.. maybe?
But instead i have to sit here, on the other side of the world,
as you die on the inside.
--------------------------
To Bekki

The masked stares upon a raven in a rainy sky

2009-01-24T00:43:00.003-03:30

The Raven Named Ryan
Soars woefully through the sky
Depressed and feels like crying
But he's too afraid to die.

The rain of Bex
Falls mournfully from the sky
Grabbing to anything, a continuous annex
When shes too afraid to die.

The mask of Chels
Staring hopefully toward the sky
While many people pass, to her there is nobody else
And shes not afraid to die.

Pain tears through all of us, but we constantly prevail
The world a violent master
But never do we fail
in delivering our duties, protecting our lives
Join us together so we may finally be satisfied.
------------------------
ohh myy :P Boredom does bring good things too.. right? i hope..?
and VERY long titles :P

My Rose :)

2009-01-18T20:59:00.004-03:30

My rose, how you grow
Thorns jutting humbly outward
petals in such delicate rows

Never leave me
Never whither
Grow in my garden
stay and be
everything you deserve.

My rose, you smell so sweet
your aroma enticing
calling me to your firmly rooted home
always inviting

Never leave me
Never whither
Grow in my garden
stay and be
everything you can.

My rose, dont use your thorns
i just want to be next to you
i want to admire every petal
and never notice what others think is wrong.

Never leave me
Never whither
Grow in my garden
stay and be
anything you want.

My Rose, please dont leave me
Never fall to natures cruel cycle
Never Whither
Never Falter
Just stay with me and spread your beauty forever :)
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i Love You

My Piss has Cooled

2009-01-02T11:48:00.002-03:30

I'm writing again, got another Novel idea.. thats right roll your eyes.. i deserve it. I've had so many IDEAS that have been SO strong but i let them slip away, i dont deserve to capture your attention this time, it could be just another idea to be lost by a lazy writer.. But this time things are different.. in a strange way these characters are personal and i cant let them be forgotten, cant lose them. I will finish this novel, no matter how long it may take. I'm not quitting. I'm not straying. I'm setting a course and sailing True.

To some the plotline is a secret and to those i paln to keep it taht way for a while, i WILL tell those who are close enough to deserve it.. But i will also keep it quiet for some until they can read a few chapters. So, if anybody wants to talk about the plot, do it on msn :P

The Hill

2008-12-29T11:02:00.003-03:30

Towing his luggage up a Steep, sloping hill
he sniffs out the scent of a fresh gutted kill
with such a grim smell stinging his nose
he stood very still, unmoving, he froze.

The bushes, they rustled, not far away
as the sky was losing the last hint of day.
The traveler, he sprinted, trying the run
and drew from his belt an old rusty gun.

He hoped, prayed to god, that the weapon was loaded
as everything within him surely exploded
with a fear so intense he could hardly stand
while his legs tried to move at his crazed mind's demand.

As he stood at the top of the hill
he turned to find that the whole world was still.
The fresh stench of death still held the air
but to the traveler the world was finally fair
and empty and peaceful and lonely
But he was not alone, far from the only
soul on the hill.
The other slunk silently, hoping to kill,
this easy and foolish prey.
Blood was to be spilled today.

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Personally i hate this poem.. but i finished it nonetheless.. PLEASE comment

Heating My Piss

2008-12-28T16:31:00.004-03:30

Man the world is boring these days. I cant write at all.. i hope it hasn't left me but.. i'm starting to worry that it has :/ I mean I haven't been able to write since November.. its not fit.. not at all.. I'm starting to worry.. no block has lasted so long. Mom told me "Nothing to heat yer piss over" a funny expression it is.. but it really is something to "heat my piss over"

yes it is.

Busy

2008-12-28T16:21:00.003-03:30

The snow fell in a divine light today
its something i'd wish to show you
but rare as it is, busy you are
its something you cannot go to.

The ice separated in a wondrous crack
its something that i'd love you to hear
but rare as it is, and busy you are
it'll have to wait for another year.

The world holds a great bounty of beauties,
you yourself hold a place among them,
of course you'll never see every one that comes to my eyes
but i wish you could.

---------------------

Don't misinterpret these poems, i don't mind that you're busy, that i can easily handle. Its just when something seemingly one of a kind comes along and you're not there.. it feels sorta empty. Like the wonder of the moment has been wasted :P

and yes, I know i'm weird.

Only One

2008-12-28T15:21:00.004-03:30

Watch the snow dance in the sunlight
illuminating every virtue
the picturesque white of every flake
mirroring my thoughts of you.

How you dance through my mind
constantly, accidentally, eluding my vision
as i crave for your beauty, unique and divine
our eyes endure a painful fission.

I'll be here until your done
no matter how many days we spent apart
you're simply the only one.

--------------------------------

Just a little bit of assurance to a certain special person in my life who has been pretty busy lately :P I can wait, I'll always crave you here, always thirst for your presence, but I can wait. :)

CHRISTMAS!!

2008-12-11T17:37:00.003-03:30

Holy Christmas!!!

I'm soooo hyped for it.. i still need to mail Bex's gift.. i still need to wait 14 days.. but i'm SOOOO hyped!!

I wanna give my gifts now.. i want to see the look on Bex's face.. i wanna sing Christmas songs (which i am) .. i wanna decorate (which i was.. and fuck b'y i even i wanna bake cookies!!! Thats a rare occasion.. when i want to BAKE.. or do any work really.. i'm even happy to do Christmas Cleaning.. just means the holiday is getting closer and closer and soon... WHAM! it'll be here, right in our Faces!

Then the Christmas specials.. they're finally on TV, a reason for Me to watch TV, a rare occasion indeed.

I think its cuz i have somebody more to buy for than my family.. theres Chels and theres Bex and i'm gonna try for Bones and Lo (not a priority but i wanna try).. this is the first year where i'll buy gifts for more than three people.. and i LOVE it!!! Makes me Really happy :P

12am

2008-12-02T15:51:00.005-03:30

9:45 and all was well
the little boy was far from hell.
He pranced around so free from thought
and to all others his ills were forgot.

10:30 and all was fine
the lonely boy was far from dying.
The light inside still burning brightly,
malicious intentions held only slightly.

11:15 and things got worse
death danced around like a demonic curse.
The boy lost his kindness and every friend,
along with the fear he'd held of life's end.

12am the sky ran red
the boy, now older, lay cold and dead
a knife clenched tight between his fist
with long red tracks along his wrist.

Shouting Out to My Fellow Bloggers

2008-10-20T19:09:00.003-02:30

Following suit to one of my best friends VideoGirl, i have decided to place some quick, shoutouts on my blog account to my best friends and fellow bloggers. All of which are.. ironically, Girls;

First of All theres Bex: You were there when i was lonely.. nobody to understand me, you vented to me and listened to my troubles. As You still do. I needed that, and i still do. Your my sister, my blood brother of sorts, and we're very much alike. You trusted me with viewing your writing and you made me feel good whenever i was low. I just hope i can do the same for you BekkiBex.. i just hope i can be the friend you were to me.

Then VideoGirl herself of course: What can i say but.. Tweet Tweet SQUACK! :) You were always around to make me laugh up a lung and shat bracks and canaries all over the place. You listened to stuff you probly didn't wanna hear and always made me feel better somehow, usually from randomness but it worked wonders. Thanks a billion and two Bing.

Of Course theres Bones: You may trip over fences and fart to rival a nuclear warhead, you also have 1001 reasons to frown. But still your laughing, every fucking second of the day. Theres always something funny around you, some joke to make to your nickname or your blond moments. And your never sour, never outright bitchy. Its YOUR fault i have all of these awesome friends, YOUR fault i met Chelsea and Laura and Mitchell and the Michael's. All because you wouldn't shut up and leave the shy kid alone. Thanks for that, i can never thank you enough, but thanks.

And then theres Allie: What can i say you're a really one of a kind girl forsure. You can write poetry about nearly anything from the themes of the fact taht you dont want anymore pills cuz your already high on life to the simple yet horrid topic of writer's block. Your immensely versatile and you've always been there to listen to my rants and my troubles and you haven't really asked anything of me in return. Thanks so Much! :)

And Finally Chels: It all Began with a stupid Stienz who noticed nothing.. When the girl he REALLY REALLY liked.. liked him, he hadn't noticed and continued to think her WAY out of reach. She was too clever, too cute, too social... but then again.. because he didn't think it possible he noticed nothing.. in that he missed every time she moved close, every time she favored him over others.. he just didn't think it possible.. he didn't think he could be loved by anybody else :P

But he got over all that with a push from a friend.. thats when he decided he'd tell her.. he did.. and here we are.. after waterfalls, Orange Tangy things, New nicknames: Juno, Woody, Bleeker, Tomato Bisque.. and simply a New World.. where theres something worth living for other than hope. Something more than, "things'll get better" They're just fine as they are, aand without needing it things DO just get better and better and better. You are the BEST thing in my life, the best thing thats ever been there.

And Now:

What can i say that i haven't repeated, i'd kill for you, i'd die for you, if you were gone i'd disappear too, I wish i were near you even more, all i'd ever need from you is a hand to hold and i'd be happy.. what you've given me is so much more so much stronger, You are beautiful no matter what you think, You are brave and strong no matter how much belief is put against that, I want to hold you when your cold and wipe away every tear, You've listened to everything.. awkward and beyond, and you've told me everything.. awkward and beyond, your incredibly cute when you're stubborn, when you have your little fits of OCD, when you get easily amused, when your staring into space, when you hold compassion in your eyes, when your eyes are blazing with any emotion, Your eyes are incredible, I'm such a dork i cant stop smiling, i'm such a tard i cant stop laughing and also.. most importantly of all I Love You.

I Love All You Guys!

Home is where the heart is

2008-10-11T14:04:00.002-02:30

Home is where the heart is,
and with you i'm never astray.
If Home is where the heart is,
why, at my house, is my heart far away?

Home is where the heart is,
with you i'm always there.
So if Home is where the heart is,
why am I comfortable no matter where?

Because You're there.

Home is where the heart is,
for you its always beating,
so i can follow the steady drone,
follow surety's reading,
All the way to the only place i can truly call Home.

Wherever you are.

As it is

2008-09-29T20:31:00.004-02:30

I made a joke today
That the world was perfect as it was
and nobody knew the difference.

I just forgot it
It was just fine
As it was.

Being sarcastic today
when i said that everything was fine
but you smiled, and agreed.

So I left it
As it was

I was kidding today,
told you nothing bad could happen
and you kissed me..

But that was a lie?
So I left it
As it was.

My friend was dying today
I told him he'd be fine, he'd push through.
But he died.

I never said goodbye.
How can i leave it,
As it is?

Bored

2008-09-24T16:52:00.002-02:30

Weird Rhyme scheme but i love the poem :P
------------
Bored To Death, Bored to Tears.
Suffocating in life's nothingness.
Its been so long, seems like years
Since the world was so much more than how its dressed.

Bored out of my mind.
Been waiting so long
But this isn't the time.
To swim along in that freedom, divine.

Bored out of my skull
faced with a life so dull

Why dont you put me out of my misery
Take away the trivialities
Bring back what meant most to me
Just come around, kill the Boredom, set me free
And i'll be yours for Eternity.

Following Music

2008-09-14T10:02:00.002-02:30

A Language unheard but never Confused
A Love long cherished but never Used
A Song so simple and wonderful and Sweet
A Bite so final, but never with Teeth.

We All Follow Music
Because The Music in us.
We All Follow Music
Because Music Began us.
We All Follow Music
Because the Music Follows Us.

A Tune Unforgotten but also Unheard
A Book Unwritten but the Secrets are Learned
A Lyric Imprinted, Never to be Forgotten
A Chorus Dancing through the Waves of your Head
Not a Single Beautiful Melody Laying Dead.

We All Follow Music
Because the Music Defines Us
We All Follow Music
Because the Music Inclines us
We all Follow Music
So the Music Will Follow Us

The Cheesy Truth

2008-09-07T22:52:00.005-02:30

Been a while since my last post, alot has gone on since then i guess.. I've started school again and really i'm not dreading each day as i did before.. i'm actually looking forward to EVERYTHING... everything seems happy now :P I got Chels to thank for that i guess :)

But this post isn't about school its about the awesome thing that happened today. When Bex and Chels finally met.. not literally of course, being so far from eachother and the fact of Bex's teleporter still being built :P

But i gave Bex Chels's msn after asking Chels first whether she'd like to meet her or not :P Of Course she did, knowing how important my faraway friends are to me. And i'm happy to say that i can truthfully say that they both really opened up to eachother and i couldn't be happier, knowing that my Sister in blood and the one i truly Love can actually call eachother not only friends but according to Chels sisters.

I'm smiling wider than ever, with the simple exception being when Chels held my hand the day after i'd told her i liked her :) Thats the Cheesy Truth, and i wouldn't have it any other way!

Vacation i dont wanna have :/

2008-08-24T12:25:00.002-02:30

Going from Monday to Thursday to my cabin. But i dont wanna go. My friend Emily is coming back from holidays on monday.. so i wont see her.. my friend mitch is moving on Thursday so i'll only see him off at the airport.. i dunno BAD TIMING i guess :/ and then again i talk to Chels every day
Dunno what i'd do if i couldn't :P Sounds pathetic but its true :P

Superglue

2008-08-21T21:22:00.003-02:30

Smiling for Miles,
whenever i'm around you.
Cant stay away,
cause i'm stuck with some weird kinda superglue.

Laughing like a tard,
whenever i talk to you.
Wont walk away,
cause i'm stuck with some strange sorta superglue.

Fed a million kinds of Cheese,
as i dish out the same for you.
Marveling in why you'd stay,
are you stuck with the same type of superglue?

-------------------------------------

hahahaha wow.. another personal piece.. :P

Preying on a Poet

2008-08-14T21:10:00.002-02:30

A seductress follows, her charms thrown around, dancing as if airless.
Her ideal is to make the hearts of the loving foolish and careless.
Following without Mercy, never leaving when asked.
Fuck off sweet seductress, it is to love not shallowness i am tasked.

A Seductress, easily jealous, when her flawless charms seem weak,
Soon rips a wound in her target, with an effort less than meek.
But her prey never weakens though secrets have been told
The Poet just keeps walking, a pace no less than bold.

The Secrets spilled out everywhere spewing from the prey
and in that fashion did it continue for many following days.
But the Poet simply kept about his pace
knowing nothing more revolting than the beauty of her face.

And when the day comes that the seduction is finally done
the mind of the bold, undaunted poets shall be taunted and overrun.
For the secrets that fell as the seductress did attack
are now, more than ever, weighing heavy on his back.

---------------------------------------------

Based on a Nightmare

Up the Creek

2008-08-13T00:26:00.003-02:30

Up the Creek without a paddle
facing rapids rushing swift
raging currents hoping to meddle
and cause in my life some empty rift.

Up the Creek without a paddle
abandoned by what i needed most.
Of blame i daren't dabble
when i've lost the support i've needed most.

---------------------

C'mon Sil, C'mon Allie, C'mon anybody
theres something i need to say
that may not last the end of tomorro
i've known this many days
but had no advice to borrow.
C'mon somebody

Feather in the Breeze

2008-08-12T22:04:00.004-02:30

The look of love is in your eyes
moving my heart like a feather in a breeze.
The look of love, always a shameless surprise,
dancing through when in your eyes we meet.

The lust of desire is in your face
moving my heart like a feather in the breeze.
The lust of desire, always a comforting embrace
dances through when in our minds we meet.

With our arms holding us together
my heart moves like a feather in the breeze.
Fighting our emotions most torrential weather
as we dance along the world, hoping to meet.

One last glance,
One final need,
And a goodbye ever taunted and whispered.
------------------------------------

This started of meaning something personal and then its something different all together... oh well

Crazy ---the shortest poem i ever wrote

2008-08-01T00:19:00.001-02:30

We're all a little bit crazy.
We're all a lot insane.
Though in some eyes we are lazy
to others all we do is train.

Awkward Moments

2008-07-30T22:48:00.003-02:30

I'm such a tard i cant stop laughing
while adorable moments whisk us away.
These wonderful moments i cant help mapping
as i write about the brightest of days.

I'm such a dork i cant stop smiling
while wonderful moments strive to pass us by.
These beautiful days, my memories tiling,
are worth more to me than the sky.
-----------------------------------------
This one here is super personal, the first line of each of the stanza's are words that i'll NEVER forget :P

Bittersweet Goodbye

2008-07-30T15:50:00.003-02:30

Guys if you read this get on msn for fucksake, i need somebody to talk to...
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Crying now, for things yet unknown
tears appalling yet steadily grown.
I might lose what i've loved the most
having nothing left but memory's ghost.

But once i think i see it good,
not for me but as it should.
She and i will eventually smile
after our hearts have been given a while.

But if she stayed what would become
may be much worse than a duller sun.
What may have happened scarred us both forever
not letting us have what staying could sever.

So tonight i sing a bittersweet goodbye
crying at any hint of lullaby.
For if tonight ends with sleep
I'd bet the bitter more than sweet.

Seek You Out

2008-07-23T21:53:00.002-02:30

I've always known each and every Poets song had meanings hidden under many layers, and they've always interested me in this way. Today i found the meaning of Seek You Out in my own world, no longer in the world of Marko's perception. In it I both smile and frown. Its only the chorus that really tells me but its been playing in my head all day.

The certain somebody wants to freeze things as they are, because of the bad things going on around her. 'I'll seek you out just to find myself and i'll worry 'bout consequences later' Thats what i've been doing the whole time, i really like her so i'm seeking her to kind of still that feeling, to find myself again, even though i've ignored the consequences of getting involved in the troubles only to be reminded later by her :P

I guess i'll have to wait, and hope things turn out good. (and maybe that she'll possibly change her mind, but i doubt that :P)

Rainwater and Piles of Smiles

2008-07-20T23:18:00.003-02:30

First of all i should start with camping. It started off wonderfully, the fog of the morning was clearing and almost everyone had showed up, we all had our stuff and all was good. That is until it started pouring rain, Brad went home, Greg and John didn't come so it was just Me, Jim, Ian, and Mitch. We put up the tent, soaked to the bone with rain and scrambled in. We watched Jeepers Creepers 2 and then went to bed, so little to do in the rain. I slept a total of three hours tops and woke at 5am to listen to the poets belt Miss Impossible in my ear from my trusty ipod :P

Jim came up to my house and for hours we scrambled to find something to do tonight.. anything. First we were going to a movie.. but that fucked up, then we were going to Chelsea's but that screwed up.. then we were told of a small party, with our good friends getting together, so we jumped for it. We watched Darness falls and by the time it was over... Darkness had Fallen so we went for a walk around the road where the party was. Lotsa people were freaked out (including myself, but nobody else knew that :P) but it was still fun. Also being with somebody that night made my week. :P

This weekend was worth its weight in gold for the piles of smiles it granted me.

100th ENTRY

2008-07-19T02:54:00.002-02:30

Not really for anything but the incredible landmark of my 100th entry!!!!!

Something small to raise my spirits :P

Fun Night, first good news in a while

2008-07-19T01:26:00.004-02:30

hahahaha so many awesome things tonight.

I went to my friend Mike's house for a party (his is usually just hanging around with a BUNCHA people). When we got there we had barbecue (i couldn't eat, fucking butterflies) and it wasn't just hotdogs or hamburgers as is the norm... nope we had RIBS and chicken wings, surprising to have such good food for so many, a welcome surprise, i had to choke down some no matter how full my stomach was of those fluttery fuckers.

Afterward we went for a long walk in the woods... okay it was a hike, but it was awesome. Me and somebody (:D) were side-by-side the whole time. It was a great hike, good scenery and as we headed back the moon was rising and it glowed a brilliant orange, a harvest moon!!! It was beautiful, so very beautiful.

Then we got back and a projector was set up at the side of Mike's house and chairs were set up, we watched a movie on his house :P 30 Days of Night, i'd seen it but it was still good... especially cuz that same somebody sat beside me the whole time, holding my hand and squeezing it for a returned comfort every time she got a scare, which admittedly wasn't much :P

Also to give you a laugh, my friend Alicia (haven't known her too long) got humped by Mike's dog as we watched the movie... they had to drag the animal back into the house as she laughed and squealed all at once :D

But yeah, it was a great night, i'm sure happy for tomorrow even though earlier i got wind of something that should have me sad again, thank god that i was happy for a while, it meant the world.

Way of the World

2008-07-18T16:14:00.003-02:30

Used to believe things were so good
thats lights shone so brightly
and all's as it should.
But that was a long time ago,
though only days it seems to others,
for i've traveled miles apart
from many ignorant sisters and brothers.
The world thrives as it breaks us down
dulling our bladed protection
rising in resonant darkness
though many hold no connection.
People aren't simply to blame
nor is god or the animals which surround
its simply the way of the world,
from the great starry sky to the barren, dirty ground.

Dark Disguise

2008-07-17T22:33:00.003-02:30

Paranoid, I'm so fucking paranoid
running around with shadows in my eyes
screaming at every swaying tree branch
all holding the similar, dark disguise.

Guilty, now more than ever before
pits in my stomach, stirring the butterflies
tears threatening at every lonely silence
all holding the demonic, dark disguise.

Worried, more than I'll ever be again
my mind never far from the topic, the one that never dies
blood boiling at every innocent thought
each now wrapped with that morbid, dark disguise.

Laughing, hysteria gripping, like in every sorrow
I'll hate these moments forever, loving them all the same...
Why can't it be over tomorrow?

Naked and Skinned

2008-07-14T23:39:00.004-02:30

Boxes and bows, laces and strings
all of them pulled away
revealing horrible things.

Pulsating puss and blood-ripened gore
all floating away
as i try to wrap them once more.

The papers and ribbons
dance away with the wind.
That was my innocence,
now naked and skinned.

Cleverly Created Disguise

2008-07-10T20:58:00.005-02:30

The darkest whisper in my ear;
the secrets you now tell me
ones i didn't really want to hear.
They are of horrible, terrible things,
ones told of in my stories.
But isn't life supposed to be happier,
filled with love, life and glories.
But what is said now is so much more,
so much less than expected.
How could life ever make you feel
so hurt and rejected.
So Very few see who I see,
the same strength and weakness in your eyes.
So very few would want to see
past your cleverly created disguise.
----------------------------------------
To a friend I so very much wish I could help in such times of horror, terror and fear I've only ever seen in writing. I wish this was a simple fairy tale where happy endings never falter.

Life

2008-07-07T16:19:00.003-02:30

Puzzle pieces, fit them together,
just don't expect to be helped.
Meticulously placing with an exhausted mind
as the puzzle box is shelved.
In The Game of Life.

Order forms, send them neatly,
make sure they're perfectly stacked.
Pass them on to those who await them
just don't expect them back.
In The Job of Life.

Things thrown at you, none expected,
but all must be done to perfection.
Everything stacked, hysterically tidy,
for all but one exception,
The End of Life.

Blood Brothers

2008-07-07T10:09:00.005-02:30

We sat together, exchanging words
and wondering whether it was plausible,
for us to exchange vows of blood
even though it seemed so impossible.

We've said it all a thousand times,
but it never truly seemed final.
So we searched for what truly defined ourselves
to bring our meaning revival.

Questions came to our minds,
wondering simply; how?
But with two minds that think as one
that question is answered now.

For blood flows much farther than veins,
much brighter colors than red.
And with the rainbow of imagination
we entwined our minds and our heads.

In that we swore to forever be brothers.
To listen when others cant understand
and even when we, ourselves cannot.
Our minds will bleed together as we are forever bonded.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

To Becca, for this oath didn't just mean a lot, it meant everything :D

The Liars Queen

2008-07-01T12:45:00.003-02:30

Not my favorite poem but i think its worthy of the blog
--------------------------------
The Liars Queen,
she dictates their deceitful actions
while speaking not a word.

The Liars Queen,
the empress of escapists
those who fear what others cant know.

The Liars Queen,
her people's only fear
though she does nothing to scare them.

The Liars Queen,
is naught but the truth.
She speaks not a word.
She incites not a sound.
But they fear her most of all,
The Liars Queen,
for only she sees them as they are.

The Doctor

2008-07-01T11:30:00.004-02:30

The doctor's in,
but his tools are unlikely.
Trust seems a sin,
but what else can you do?

The doctor's in,
a radio firmly in hand.
CD's slowly begin
and sweet music floods in...

The doctor's in,
his voice a seductive whisper.
Speaking just below the melody,
his words no less than poetry in the night.

The doctor's in,
but he wears only a cloak of promise,
while drifting along upon a cloud of melody,
trying to help you sustain your memories.
His oath is no longer for your life
but for the heart which flutters sweetly in your chest.

The doctor's in,
and he knows best.

Chocoholics

2008-06-30T20:52:00.003-02:30

Powder me with cravings so sweet,
nothing to smoke, just something to eat.
If I find the sought for tonic
I'll be one happy Chocoholic.

Addiction dragging me down the street,
searching desperately for chocolate treats.
The hidden wont take long to be found
with a rambunctious Chocoholic around.

So hide your sugar-sprinkled treats
and lock them away with many keys.
For when Chocoholics come around
they will clear out every candy in town.

Saltwater Taffy

2008-06-28T23:40:00.003-02:30

Something so different to me it COULD be weird
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Saltwater Taffy
please sweeten my sadness
pull me from tears
and stick me back together.

Saltwater Taffy
don't sour my happiness
dragging me from the sun
sticking me to what I've done.

Saltwater Taffy
you contradict explanation,
but I love you no less.
Sugary, Bitter...
just rancid and litter...
while others just can't get enough.

Decisions, decisions...
livid with contradictions...
All bets aside,
All choices made,
Just pick a side,
While charges are laid.

Sweet Dreams

2008-06-26T19:45:00.004-02:30

Sweet Dreams,
beauty floating in your mind
an endless fountain
savor it forever

Sweet Dreams,
chasing desire
lost in time
but never forgotten

Sweet Dreams,
a quiet lullaby
its rhythm resonating
its words lost forever

Sweet Dreams,
sleep tonight
hide away from the light
for when its out of sight
you will soar higher than any kite

Getting into That Familiar Groove

2008-06-24T23:27:00.002-02:30

I'm starting to write again!!! The pain is subsiding and I feel the writers block melting away, ideas are barreling into my mind, its so amazing!!! Its been so long since I could take up a pencil and write, I'm gonna dish out an amazing shortstory, I promise, keep your fingers crossed, it might ake a while :P

home.... but still suffering

2008-06-10T17:03:00.002-02:30

My back is so stiff, its good to be home tho. Dont expect much from me yet, its hurts to sit and it hurts to stand so the computer is a real obstacle. I'll write more later but I really cant right now :S

Hardwood Hatred

2008-06-02T20:56:00.002-02:30

The house if filled with the stuff, renovations simply make it more and more plentiful. I know not liking hardwood flooring seems foolish but its me. I've never really liked the stuff, I'm a carpet man. Its more that the wooden floors seem less comfortable to me or something, its more than even physical I feel at edge when I stand on the stuff, weird huh? It must be the fact of how cold it gets, that must be what throws the feeling at me like I'm standing naked in a crowd. It kills me in how irrational it is but why not, eh? Isn't it just human to feel insane in your fears, doesn't it make you feel stronger in knowing you are weaker, more normal.... me neither :P

It bites at my thoughts maniacally whispering mocking remarks at the idiocy of such a fear... well not fear but... discomfort.

Theres only a few rooms left with carpet now, the living room and the hall, I stay there as much as I can but... i gotta go back to my room sometime, and yet the only comfort i can find is when my feet are off the floor. Am I going crazy? O.o

Surprise, Surprise, unpleasant surprises

2008-05-29T21:14:00.002-02:30

Surgery is now next Tuesday's ordeal. Tomorrow is the pre-op (the point in time when I figure out whats gonna be done in detail). And I'm both excited and nervous. I need to get my editing done ASAP or else I wont get my story in for the magazine, but my weekend is full and I'm being dragged away whenever I start it.... also i'm worried about the length... it seems like it might be too long for a magazine, i'm starting to wonder whether i should make a shorter story, a different one... i started the story just in case while i was at school in a fury of worry... uhh! Too much happening at one time!

And now (as Becca should know) i'm feeling worried for a good friend, I might not even be there for him. Fucksakes, I'm in deep now.

Alone

2008-05-28T16:27:00.003-02:30

Talk to me...
I'll calm you down.
Listen to your words.
Be sure you dont frown.

Talk to me...
I'll take in all your sorrow
hold it a while.
You'll feel better tomorrow.

Talk to me...
Dont bottle it up.
Dont sleep on your sorrow.
Pass it to me, i'll share the pain.

Talk to me...
But never too much.
Every bottle can break
if it just holds enough.

So who then will listen when I need to talk?
Will you hold an ear to my trouble?
Or will you turn, leave me to walk...
alone.

Boredom

2008-05-26T18:36:00.002-02:30

Had a day off school today, thought i was really lucky. But then again, I hadn't planned anything, I'm not good with plans, I don't ever make them until the very day I want things to happen. It usually works out... but not today. Today everyone had something to do, I had nothing. I also had writer's block so not even writing could save me. So I tried looking up some familiar funny videos on youtube, I hoped they'd cheer me up but of course I didn't bother to think. When i'm pissed i can't laugh and today, because of the boredom, I was royally bitchy. Nothing to do... still :(

Anywhere

2008-05-25T20:13:00.005-02:30

Lost in Darkness.
No way out.
A pitch black Hell.
I Scream and Shout.
You're not there.
I'm all alone.
I don't know where.

Lost in Darkness.
A thousand empty doors.
A pitch black Hell.
My feet covered in sores.
You search to save me.
I'm still alone.
Searching for light to see.

Lost in Darkness.
Traps set in every direction.
A pitch black Hell.
Only lit by your reflection.
Your voice radiates in my mind.
I'm still alone.
Search and you shall find.

Lost in Darkness.
But finding my way.
A pitch black Nightmare.
Being won over by day.
When you are there.
I'll never be alone.
Anywhere.
----------------------------------------
To my friends overseas, Becca (my guide) and Alev (my light) thanks for saving me so many times.

The Fall of an Angel

2008-05-25T20:00:00.003-02:30

Born a cherub angel
A smile to brighten the sky.
Lying in loving arms
as life dances by.
Nothing ran away
it chased me by my tail.
Then and there was my way

...But no more

Taught a noble Seraphim
knowing right and wrong.
Fighting all the evils
for much more than too long.
Everything lying at my feet
never bothered with work.
Once upon a time that was my seat

...But no more

Now I am as Lucifer
fallen from the graces.
Too lost among my own ideals
to bother with others places.
I have only what I strove to find
and indeed nothing other.
Though all, to me, are sweet and kind

...not for long

Writer's Alliance NL

2008-05-23T16:59:00.002-02:30

This is the magazine that will likely hold the story which held thesaurus words and 'impossible' intelligence. Its gonna have its first copy printed in July, which means I'll have my 'thesaurus' story in A FIRST EDiTiON!!!! I'm so happy, so excited. I got news that the creators are still thinking over whether it will be an online magazine or the real thing.... I hope its something I can hold in my grubby fingers and hang it as a trophy in my room but its not my choice in the slightest. My friend who set me up for this isn't my only connection in the mag... one of my other friends is an editor, I didn't even know! :P. Amazing that you can get connection without even working for it :D

Fellow Bloggers this is the greatest even thus far in my life if it works out and I sure hope it does, cross your fingers for me!!!

Masks

2008-05-15T20:13:00.004-02:30

Today I wear a mask of gray
though my mind and sadness is blue.
You wont see me on this saddened day
How can I expect to see you.

Today I wear a mask of gray
though my angers and feelings are red.
You wont see me on this agonized day
as no more emotions are bled.

On this day my mask wont seem to be there
for my torment and anguish is still.
I don't have time for such things to bare
until anger and sorrow are willed.

Refusal

2008-05-15T19:13:00.004-02:30

So I've been thrashed by the arts and letters committee of Newfoundland and Labrador because my words were too big for my age and I had to have abused a thesaurus. I'm enraged and depressed all at once for this especially because, since the contest was done by letter I cant stand up for myself... I feel so useless right now but Becca's and Alev's words were a great comfort to me so atleast I wont be crying, I'm now stubborn to the bone to get this story seen..... as a big 'FUCK YOU!' to that committee.... though doing so may be a heavy task I'm ready... I hope

By the way what wrenches my gut the most is the words I get from people saying that the judges are idiots, never anything else. I understand how this may help somebody but its so much of the same thing. Never a word about how I should keep going, how I should fight back..... nope, only you guys. And now I wonder is the mask I wear too good?

It feels childish to complain so much, please enlighten me, I'd really like to know if it is...

Handichips

2008-05-12T22:01:00.003-02:30

My teacher loves the idea of what will happen and what has already happened in technology, and I thought I might just share the one that surprised me the very most.

There are scientists studying a microchip to put in your hands. It'll work as a key for your house, a bank card, a key to your car, a way for the cops to track criminals and all that jazz but then again you'd loose all your privacy. Its possible for your parents to track your location and you'll never feel the embrace of privacy again, its even spoken about that it may be implanted at birth so you have no real choice..... is this a continuation of technology or a backfire of human ignorance we shall see....

Irrefutable Lover

2008-05-11T21:37:00.002-02:30

A knife stapled to his fingertips
Darkness shining in his eyes
Blood from his jacket faithfully drips
In defiance he wears no disguise.

Thanks for watching, go away now
Thanks for bearing, leave me alone
Thanks for living, when you dont know how
Thanks for caring, hang up the phone.

He stands over as you lay on the ground
truth falling from the lies he discovered
all emotions ripped apart, all demons found.
Lost unto the irrefutable lover.

Thanks for coming, go away now
Thanks for sharing, leave me alone
Thanks for running, when you dont know how
Thanks for crying, hang up the phone.

Stabbed in the back.
Love lost forever.
Gained what you lack.
You'll never get better.

Thanks for dancing, go away now
thanks for singing, leave me alone
thanks for loving when you dont know how
Thanks for dying, now pick up the phone.

Forever Lonely

2008-05-06T21:01:00.003-02:30

You sit there alone
Tears battering your eyes
holding back a moan
in a flimsy disguise.

Dont hide from me
When you need my help
Dont tear away from me
As I care no more for myself.

Hiding from the world
You run far away
just a little girl
who has fallen much astray.

Dont run from me
When you need me so much
Dont come unglued from me
as I long now for your touch.

Hastily hunting shadows
dancing 'round the dawn
running after rainbows
Falling dearly for no one.

Dont hide from us
When I'll always be there
Dont slice the love of us
Everywhere and Nowhere.

I chase you alone
my tears falling slowly
my voice, now a pathetic tone
cries out, forever lonely.

Song of Psychosis

2008-05-06T18:17:00.004-02:30

Seductive whispers in your ear,
all these beautiful evils spoken.
As we wait and hope to hear
our darkest side awoken.

Sing me a song of Psychosis
as it crawls into your being.
Dance in sweet hypnosis
its psychosis you've been needing

You struggle against ideals in mind
writhing against their grasp.
Until, once more, your thoughts are kind
with normality as a mask.

Sing me a song of Psychosis
as it crawls into your being.
Drink it down in large doses
its psychosis you've been needing

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I know the first thought will come from the thought of the new POTF song but in actuality its not even slightly a product of that, more of the thoughts rushing through my brains lately.

Been a while

2008-05-04T14:32:00.002-02:30

Sorry guys that I've been absent... life has been hectic to say the least. I'll get back to posting very soon, I got a poem written down that I cant find but when i do I'll post it here. I'll always have something to say, it just may take me a while to get it out :P

Doom

2008-03-20T16:01:00.002-02:30

Iraq may have been at first liberation but why then did the American's set up beside oil? Oh Iraq is not for the good of Iraqi's, never was. They lost their leader (to whom was a terrible man) but where does America get off in dethroning a leader, thats just bull.

Now as we look back, Iraq was WAY happier before. Now innocents are dying all the time, bombings are at an all time high and everything is CHAOS! It is the fault of human ignorance, we want to fix things with problems and just end up screwing the world!

And Obama (Clinton too, methinks) wants to pull out (not completely but mostly) and go invade Pakistan! Iraq will get worse, there is no doubt in that. It will blow to epic proportions and the idea to invade somewhere else will be an unthinkable horror. Pakistan and many other countries ARE harboring hate to America and I understand the presidential ideals but they do not understand the ruination that will soon befall the world because of stupidity!

Now I do not, and never will, agree with the new American policy. 'If it makes problems BOMB IT!' But I must say there are worse things going on than presidential imbecility, the case in Tibet worries me much more, I know much of Tien An Mien Square and I know that soon enough the same will happen in Tibet and it will be posted as the fault of Dalai Lama, it spreads iron horror in my veins to see the world crumble on its support beams in my lifetime but look around you, what newspaper doesn't say something of the new oddities of the world?

People are dying EVERYWHERE! In terrible ways, wars are waged between friends and countries for very little reason except perception!

All I percept is that The next WORLD WAR isn't far off.

With the problems in Serbia and Kosovo, as Kosovo fights for independence and Serbia turns blindly from all those who support Kosovo's plea. Mc.Donald's establishments being burned to the ground for North American association and foreign diplomats being thrown out.

Three Words: Tian An Mien!!! Remember that story? Tien An Mien Square? Chinese government kills so many civilians for seeking freedom and try to cover it up! The Dalai Lama is the new cover up! This is damn outrageous, they keep foreigns from seeing it so that it can be hushed, seen as only 16 dead but you know and I know its all a bunch of lies, those sonsabitches are gonna burn up all the bodies when they're done and send families a receipt for the bullet just like the square! You know and I know that history repeats itself, but I had no idea it would do so in such conveniently placed forms! I mean this is so painful that people are being forsaken by the rest of the world, with no liberating army help, because China holds so much economical power, its sorrow itself that humanity now relies more on economy than the lives of its kindred.

Also The harbored hatred of USA by so many countries will blow up into a war of more than terror, a war of desperation that cannot and will not be stopped.

And when all of this blows into the worst world war the American's will no longer have Canadian forces at their backs because our army are peacekeepers, we dont have the guns or the power of any other army. The world is doomed

Haul Ass Sheila

2008-03-18T18:04:00.002-02:30

I was shoveling almost all day today so its time for that 'last winter storm' to start brushing someone else! I mean I'm all fine and dandy with a day off school but if anymore of this frozen powder falls on my doorstep I'll be screamin' bloody murder, I will.

Though to every cloud lies a silver lining, whether it be minute or monstrous. Mine is minute, Tomorrow the snow will be perfect for sliding, as rain will fall upon it, glossing it with a coating of ice. :P

Hope to god there wont be any more snow and we can embrace Spring and all its incredulous beauty.

Sheila's Brush

2008-03-13T13:01:00.003-02:30

It hit us like a brick to the face this morning, schools and businesses closed up all over the place!! Yay for days offs!!

Sheila's Brush is the last BIG storm of the winter for us Newfies

Monsters

2008-03-11T18:38:00.002-02:30

The monsters stormed through town that day
we shuddered at every motion
they shook the ground where demons lay
and drove us to the ocean

They held us abroad the billowing waves
where boats and fish did swim
we tried and tried to get away
but our numbers, they did trim.

The monsters screeched and tore
their talons always searching
though blood was shed they wanted more
'till ever stomach was lurching.
We cannot fight the demon grasp
nor can we run away
so to another's shoulder we'll clasp
and fall on knees and pray.

The water, stained deep red
with all of those died,
rose and fell, drowned us dead
and left the rest to lie.

We stood and fought in vain
our efforts feeble and sad
but as the sun had come again
we were stricken, hopeful and glad.

The monsters screamed for more
their maw was always searching
though blood was shed they wanted gore
'till ever stomach was lurching.
We cannot ignore the demon's clasp
nor can we run away
so to another's shoulder we'll grasp
and fall on knees and pray.

As the sun tickled our hearts with glee
the monsters went away
together you danced and cheered with me
to return another day.

Ridge of Dreams

2008-03-11T17:03:00.005-02:30

As the poet sat alone in bed
she watched the ridge of dreams
alone and in the realm of dead
held by thought and seam.

The blood of her very mind
poured along the ridge of dreams
alone, away from love and kind
held by illusion and dream.

But as she stood to beseech the new day
in a half-forgotten notion
she sat back in bed, where forever she'll lay
without a single motion.

Preserved thoughts in pickle jars
who once were thought to fester
sit on shelves, row on row
awaiting their only master.

The poet awoke much later that day
her thoughts a broken seam
but knowing not, she continued that way
as she awaited the ridge of dreams.

Visitation Rights

2008-03-09T13:52:00.002-02:30

My cousins came from Ontario!!! The ones I visited at Thanksgiving!

They're staying at my Nan and Pop's house (mom's parents) and we were up there all yesterday! Its great to have 'em around, even though its only for a week. They have great imaginations and both of them write ALOT! Amber's only 6 and she already writes five page stories! Jason's writing stories with pages in the 20's!! All of their stories have to do with magic and the lore surrounding it, they're very well taught in such ideas cuz my uncle's so friggin superstitious.... I wish I had a niche as they do... all I know is none of my stories are in any way happy :P

18 Vials of Sanguine Submission

2008-03-09T13:29:00.002-02:30

As I walked into the hospital last Friday I had only a vague idea of what was going on. I expected blood to be taken a shot to be taken, more blood taken and then four hours of freedom before the next extraction, man was I wrong.

I walked into the hospital and the first thing they did was stick a 'butterfly' needle in a vein in my arm, they took 6 vials from the butterfly (lots more than I expected) and then put in some cold salt water to clean out the arm or something, not sure. But man it was cold, it was like ice running in my veins, my arm was freezing cold for o so long, though I didn't really mind... Then when the water had been injected an IV was attached to the butterfly needle where the DDAVP hormone was administered to me (took half an hour) as I lay down watching re-runs of shows from the 80's on TV.

As I sat there on the hospital bed I looked to my side and saw a little boy laying there as he too had an IV in him. He undoubtfully had cancer by the baldness of his head and the look on his face... you can truly 'see' that disease in somebody's eyes y'know? It was the kid's fourth birthday I felt so terrible, he was so young, so young and yet death simply stood at the other end of a locked door, waiting for weakness or mistake. As the cake came in with a brigade of nurses following diligently behind his face lit up with a glow of immense joy. I had a piece, it was chocolate with chocolate icing, but I didn't get the chance to talk to the boy. I dont know if I could truly look into his joy and see death awaiting at the handle of a door, watching intently at the little boy at the other side.

As the DDAVP had found its way into my bloodstream with completion I was told that I had to wait another hour as it settled completely and I would have to stay in that room the whole time, fair enough I thought, fine enough with me. While others awaited word on cancer I simply awaited the result on a much smaller disease, much less fatal... I could wait much longer if it meant that it was easier for that boy, though I knew nothing I could do would help.

Anyway they took another six vials an hour later and I had three hours to waste. Mom and I went to the food court for chinese food and later drove to the old age home where my Nan is to visit. Nan was asleep, too thick a sleep for normality, we tried to wake her but we might as well have tried to call thunder down from a bowl of pudding, she was drugged up on medication.

By the time we left the old age home it was time to head back to the hospital, at this time the blood loss had taken effect on me. I was hopelessly dizzy and couldn't walk in a straight line, I looked like someone drunk outta their mind.

As we arrived at the hospital for the final time 6 more vials fell from my veins, i began to wonder of how much blood could I truly have within, what amount could be held in the living wake of the humans body? Though this thought didn't last very long, after the amount of blood gone I could barely carry myself, I was hopelessly weak. I wobbled down the stairs and into the parking lot to nearly collapse in the car, we drove home and I could barely bring my mouth to answer my mom's continuous assault of questions. Though my mind worked to perfection as I wondered of the child, would he die before he had even experienced the full awareness of what was going on? Before he understood he was dying? I felt a pang of sadness for the kid as we drove into the fading sunlight...

Laugh Now

2008-03-06T21:19:00.003-03:30

Laugh now as I have lost
the bet to which you made,
Laugh now for you have cost
my cocky serenade.

But in this opera of importance
dont waste your time in laughing
for if so, victory will be in past tense
and the laugh will rise from me.

Laugh now as I have failed
the bet to which we competed
Laugh now, the ship has sailed
and in our race I am defeated.

But in this Symphony of intensity
dont waste your time in laughing
for if so its all in obscenity
and the laugh will rise from me.

Laugh now but never later
for soon I will have won.
See you later alligator
as I race into the sun.

But in this concert, as you lay deaf
dont was your time in laughing
for this time as I save my breath
the laugh will rise from me!

Tracks in the sand

2008-03-06T16:25:00.004-03:30

The Artist throws her brush away
her easel and paint surely follow
with the end of her talent, once here to stay
we shall have no more sunlight tomorrow.
The cascading waves of water color painting the earth
with a terrible finality that few others could stand
we watch at the end among her collection's enormous girth
and looking for tracks in the sand....

Artistry annulled in the darkness of light
Paints thrown in symphony to terror.
I mourn the end with the utmost of might
though I can ask no more of her.

Ability anewed in the loss of oneself
Comfort in the gain.
If you chose to follow a path,
only one of these things will remain...
So I shouldn't

The writer sits alone
his words lost on blank sheet
All that is heard is a cry and a moan
and exclamation that his needs never meet.
No more will his pencil draw words
No more will earth unfold at his hand.
Now he is free to fly with the birds
looking for tracks in the sand....

Artistry forgotten in the end of a fling
Pencil and pens dropped in trash
as the words used to dance and to sing
The writer will too, in a flash

Ability anewed in the loss of oneself
Comfort in the gain.
If you chose to follow a path,
only one of these things will remain...
So I couldn't

The poet asleep as the sunrise has come
what used to intrigue her is lost
inspiration hidden, newfound to some
but to her its buried in frost.
For as tomorrow comes
yesterday cannot command
what to him is only a crumb
as we search for tracks in the sand...

Beauty dissipated
Love distraught
just as we anticipated
but never hoped it to be bought.

Ability anewed in the loss of oneself
Comfort in the gain.
If you chose to follow a path,
only one of these things will remain...
So I never will.

Fair Enough

2008-03-01T22:35:00.007-03:30

First things first I went to my friend Greg's party, it was great overall, but the interest of my post doesn't lay in the events of merriment but the problems that ensued when the cake was placed safely into our tummies and the rides were heading to pick us up...

My dad was coming from work and was going to get me and Jim and drive us both home, we were both supposed to wait at the bottom of the hill because he didn't know where he was going... Fair enough.

Jim's mom showed up around 10, to pick up Jim, despite being told firmly by her son that she didn't have to. Jim went with her and I was to wait alone... Fair enough

I strode to the bottom of the hill, alone and without anything to keep me busy, no paper, no books, no MP3... Fair enough

I waited and waited, dad must be running late.... I really had to pee.... no woods in sight.... Fair Enough

I see dad's car, one of the side mirrors are gone so its easy to spot, no doubting it thats dad, driving into the wrong road alongside this one, ignoring my flailing arms and my yells... he's most likely cursing on my absence, wondering how he'll find me as I stand so close... FAIR ENOUGH

I run after the car, my mind cursing aloud as I ran, dad went slow but still I wasn't as fast as a damned car, my legs got weak but I ran... why did this hill have to be so tall, so steep... why was dad so stupid, then he began to slow down, he had lost his patience with driving, he was looking for a driveway to turn around in Fair Enough...

As he stops I catch up I see dad FINALLY notice me, when he rolls down the window I gave him an earful for being so annoying, but still I wasn't cruel, simply stating that he drove right past me, he laughs and we drive home... finally, fair enough.

PS: I got new results on my blood tests and they were NOT good... They came out in favor of the disease but still I must have my final run on the tests.... On Friday I'll be sitting in the hospital at nine, I'll have a blood test. Then I'll be administered the medicine for the disease, another blood test to see how it effects me. Then I wait around for FOUR hours as the medicine wears off and have ANOTHER test.... no school on Friday I guess :D I'll probably have to bring a book and some paper :)

PSS: I cant keep the text small sooo.....

Dancing

2008-02-29T16:16:00.003-03:30

School dance yesterday. Had tons of fun.

I danced as I sang, I was probably the most memorable person there, dancing to nearly every song with such driving energy I nearly passed out when I got home.

I only slow danced once, turned down th second and third time by different people so the fourth and final i called it quits, not wanting another polite "I'm waiting for somebody" or simple "No thanks". Though that far from dampened my spirits.

I had a great time, cant wait for the next one.

ALL MINE!!! >:D

2008-02-24T14:45:00.002-03:30

I'm getting a computer all of my own, no worries of my dad or my sister bothering me to get off so they can get on. I'll have the chance to type up stories instead of writing them out first!! I'm so excited, dad already has most of the parts I need, all thats left is speakers and a hard drive (whatever that is). When its all in one piece you can expect so many more posts from me :D

Stienz the Cat Burglar??

2008-02-22T22:28:00.002-03:30

(my nickname is Stienz, don't ask why)

Today my friend, Mitchell came over to my house to work on a project, I know it can create a dull Friday but hell, it had to be done. When I climbed off my bus, Mitchell in tow my blood turned to ice as I stared upon my house.... I didn't have my key. I told Mitch and my sister, immediately my sister left for Kady's (her friend). But instead of finding another place to go (Mitch's parents weren't home either) we decided to find a way in. We tried all the lower widows, all were closed tight and locked. Me and Mitch were just about to give up and go somewhere else when a thought came to me.

My family all have a shower in the morning mom, dad, me, and my sister. So we leave the bathroom window open as we're at school, bad part is, the bathroom is upstairs, out of reach. I thought about looking for a ladder, but I didn't have one. Me and Mitch tried climbing my chimney, no dice. We tried piling up wood and lawn chairs, no dice. so the ladder idea came back into my mind.

We walked to Kady's hoping to get a ladder, she didn't have one. We used her phone instead and I called my nan and pop (they have keys) but they were in town... So once again I was forced to think, and think I did until another hopeless idea came to mind...

I phoned my friend Adam, hoping he'd have a ladder, he didn't, his neighbor had borrowed it. The ladder was locked in the neighbor's shed and the neighbor wasn't home, but Adam had another idea, he asked if I had a certain kind of windows in my basement, I agreed hopeful for an end to all this fussing around. He laughed and told me how to get in from outside, with a simple push in the right place and a pull in anotherthe window slid open, we had broken into my house.

Mitch was the first one in and, after landing on a tent (set up and all, my sister wanted to 'have outdoors in' for a sleepover) he cracked into fits of laughter, I joined in as i tumbled onto the tent a pole poking uncomfortably in my side. I closed the window and we worked, I hated it, so much labor for a simple History project...

Bloody Hell of a Nightmare

2008-02-21T21:18:00.002-03:30

I usually don't take notice to dreams... well except those that come back again and again or stay in my mind with such persistence that I have to define it. Since I've been writing so much about vampires lately their gaunt and ghostly form has been haunting my sleep for a while, but still I was unmoved by th thoughts, all until the nightmare I will soon describe. It was all so vivid, so real, it haunts both waking and sleeping hours of my life with voracious intent, whenever I see a person from the dream I see their face, for a blinking moment, as the demons I've dreamed them as... its my living terror, now to the main event... The Nightmare:

I awoke (in my dreams, weird huh?) to see that it was supper time, I gasped and rushed out to the kitchen, must've been a weekend because my parents didn't seem to mind. We ate (Cant remember what) and I invited over my cousin Jeff, My friends Brad and Jon (we call him Jim, don't ask why) and a person I know but am not friends with Chris. My sister went to her friend Kady's house across the road.

They were all there in moments (hell, its a dream), we went outside. It was dark but we decided to go out into the path (into the woods) anyway (for what reason i have no idea) there wasn't much talking except teasing Jim for being short (especially by Jeff cuz in the dream he was stoned). But I kept hearing ruffling in the woods (just so you know it was either spring or summer by the look of things), I told Brad, Jeff and Jim, forgetting Chris at the time, they teased me for being easily afraid, which in truth I expected as a response so we continued.

We kept walking for a while until the ruffling got closer and we noticed Jim was gone, Jeff cursed loudly into the air, Both him and me were worried, but the others called out to him to drag himself outta the woods and stop trying to scare us. He didn't respond so we pretty much said "Fuck Him" and kept going. By now the ruffling started getting under Brad's skin, he was defensive of it but it was obvious he too was worried, Chris was still thick headed. As we reached the pond at the end of the path we saw that Jim was on the wharf in the company of a tall, muscular man. Jeff asked if it was Jim's boyfriend to no response, Jim turned and blood was running from his neck, the man turned to show that, contrasting to his pallid white features, his mouth was circled in a crimson slop of dripping blood. Jim called out for us to help him over and over as he advanced upon us, the man had disappeared. Brad started walking toward him.

I grabbed Brad's shoulder and he resisted, persistent to go to Jim's aid, i told Brad to come back but he told me to "fuck off its only Jim" and continued. At this time the tall man had began to come out of the woods advancing upon brad, I thought of going to help him but I was sour of his refusal and content to see him face the terror of his own making (thats how I knew it was a dream, I'd have to help Brad). The man pounced upon brad, sucking at the blood pouring delicately from the jugular vein of his neck. I turned disgusted and ran, as Jeff and Chris had already been wise enough to do.

When we reached my house once more, no lights were on and my dad was pacing the patio, mumbling unintelligible words, blood seeping from his neck as it had from Jim. Dad didn't pursue us as we ran for the basement door, a home to escape into. But Chris' sister (never met his sister before, this was a simple interpretation of thought, though in the dream I knew who it was) was laying beside the door, her neck too was bleeding, when Chris ran to her aid she pulled him down and bit him, with the fresh spew of blood, dad ran down from the patio. He chased me and Jeff constantly yelling at us that he "only wanted to talk" or asking us impatiently to "slow the fuck down". As we neared Kady's driveway Jeff stopped panting and as if he was Pete McVries from Stephen King's The Long Walk he told me he was tired and wanted to sit down, it'd all be over quick then. And then dad had him, Tearing into his neck with the vicious intensity of need, Jeff smiled at me all the while, it was a twisted, demented smile that will haunt me always.

I ran without pursuit to Kady's front door, knocking and panting and screaming all at once, Kady's mom answered, blood pouring from her neck, Jim and Brad and the strange man were all there, calling my name, telling me how good it would feel, then Emily (my sister) walked out from behind them, tears of crimson falling from a gaping hole in her neck, her voice was weak and fearful, but inhuman and forced she said: "They're going to hurt me, dont let them hurt me! I need you!" and the dream ended.

I awoke in a cold sweat and have been taunted by this vision every moment, for a whole week.

Phillip Lansing

2008-02-20T18:17:00.004-03:30

An idea for a character, He's got dark brown hair and a thick beard. Most of the town knows him as a drunk and a kook. But those who get to know him see him as a philosopher who's well acquainted with the art of drinking. He wears plaid flannel shirts and sweatpants every day, he's always speaking his mind against whats going on in the world, a cynic in slight. He keeps an amount of toothpicks in his shirt pocket wherever he goes, chewing on one at every moment of the day. He even uses his toothpicks to eat, if he cant use a toothpick he doesn't eat it. In truth he's more than a bit crazy but he'll be an interesting character to write about.

He's also the garbageman for the town.

I know this Blog has become a vent for my ideas and it may seem annoying but I gotta put them somewhere. This kinda stuff is the quirks I want in my characters, the things that make them human, now it doesn't have to go to such an extreme as this but... the stranger (within reason) the better, I hate stereotypes and I'm trying to cut them off with such a move, hope it works :)

Plans for the Vampire Novel, VERY MINOR SPOILERS

2008-02-14T17:12:00.003-03:30

I want Woden alive, I've already panned out that idea, but how....?

I think Michael, being a vampiric servant under Alexander's power, brings blood to his master's lips, unable to desecrate his mother's body still he takes the blood of the hungry ravens. The wounds that were given to him are cured, the crucifix pulled from its fleshy sheath by the faithful servant. Mike cries for his mother but Woden takes him away, to the safety of his home.

Now on the topic of other vampires I have a writer, who smokes like a chimney and is in love with a hooker. He also feeds on night filth, hobos and the like.

I also have an idea for his sister, but that is to be kept secret for the time being.

I want a terribly repulsive person who becomes a vampire. I want him to have.... unique habits, I need your ideas. I also want him constantly eating something thats healthy, not carrots tho, I don't wanna seem like I'm copying Shoot 'Em Up so please lavish me with your strangest thoughts...

Also I need any thoughts on other vampires or characters I don't want ANY normal characters, I want them all holding strange characteristics... Dont hold back! :D

Rid of You

2008-02-14T17:05:00.003-03:30

I hate you at this moment
Though I've loved you all too long.
How can things that feel so right
Be thrown away and wrong.

You've gone on as I would not
Swimming in white lies
Trying not to tell what black or gray
until you live to die.

We stepped into a heartbreak
From one simple, fatal glance
Now all I can remember
Is the ending of our dance

Hold your heart out further
For all the world to see
I'm lonely now, I'm rid of you
As you are rid of me.

Vampires, maybe a novel

2008-02-13T16:53:00.004-03:30

While I'm still working on my fantasy novel I'm thinking of a more endearing project.... For me the luster of fantasy writing has fallen through the cracks I'm actually bored with the idea of trying to make up things.. make up a world... make up EVERYTHING alone. There are no rules in fantasy and in some strange way its more restricting than I could have ever thought... I may throw away the idea, or simply save it for later but now... I need something darker, something dingier. I need Vampires.

To Becca I'm not giving up on our co-writing expedition, simply putting it aside until we have time to write it together. I dont wanna be going too far ahead and I'm starting to reach that point.

I've gotten the taste of writing a vampire story and it feels right, Fantasy never made so much sense as this, I had to continue.

About my idea: When the contest is over I believe I may recycle the characters and use them in a novel, to Alev and Becca I'm going to tell you that Miranda survives..... You'll have to read to understand. I'm doing it in a different form than usual, in a compilation of stories from three different characters, two are vampires, the other is Miranda. I may also add other important elements as I go but its still in the thinking stages right now. I'm thinking that Miranda's ex-husband who made her pregnant blusters into her home in fury that he wasn't told about his son's death, only to find her convulsing on the ground choking out gargled phrases impossible to understand, he calls an ambulance and gets her to throw up the pills.... I'm unsure of what happens with Mr. Woden but when her Ex gets there he's long gone, I want him alive and hiring the help of her dead son.

When Miranda is asked about what happened she leaves out Alexander and simply tells them she lost two children and she wanted to die....... within her mind though she thirsts for revenge that she cant retrieve until she's free from the hospital and before she leaves Woden finds her, tries to off(kill) her but somehow she survives, the other characters are a secret... :)

Vampuric incentive

2008-02-04T16:24:00.001-03:30

I was thinking about The Contest, the one stated in the previous post. I had just finished Stephen King's 'Salem's Lot and was exceedingly intrigued in the idea of vampires, as I had been for so long. So I got to thinking and after a long debate with myself I decided that I'd write a Vampire shortstory to enter!

I've already got some ideas worked out. The story centers around a younger Vampire (only a several of decades as such a creature). He works as a school teacher and keeps his classroom comfortably dark, with drapes pulled over the windows, halting sunlight. He wears heavy, winter clothes in every season to keep the sun off him and drives in a car with tinted windows. Everyone knows of his intolerance to sunlight, he even has a maid at his home who takes care of certain chores if h insists against going into the light. He blames his symptoms on a disease called Porphyria go on answers.com if your curious about it. He warns his students that opening the blinds would kill him, and to deter them from doing so he explains with terrible detail what would happen if they did so.

He kills a child who, while in detention, opens a window to try and escape, this weaves a web of trouble for him as he goes to attend the funeral and the mother invites him for dinner... he cant eat normal food so he's in deep trouble after agreeing, infatuated with her beauty, even in pregnancy. The rest you'll have to read later, when i post it here after the contest is over :D

Competing

2008-02-02T16:37:00.002-03:30

I got the blood test results back, they were good for me! The normal is 50.5 (whatever units he was saying I fail to remember) I had 50.47, almost exact!! But what is the problem you ask, if you are truly as perceptive as we all hope to be? Well the problem is that if I didn't have family history of the disease 'slightly off' would be enough..... but unluckily I do so theres two more tests coming up, I'll be lucky if I get the damned surgery within the year!!

But such horrors are not which the title hopes to bestow upon your mind, I have other things to write of. I've been spinning in circles my whole life, nothing's been clear or 'carved in stone' I've just sailed by without much thought just spinning as my head goes numb from the strange movement, though the feeling is far from unpleasant. I've never 'done' anything, not really. Simply the background, wallpaper to everything, every contest, every classroom.... EVERYWHERE! But no longer I've found myself beginning to settle, my mind beginning to clear. The thing I've always avoided and faered will fall into my life and I will embrace it and... with a little luck, I hope it will embrace me.

I'm entering a writing contest for the province of Newfoundland, and I will put EVERYTHING into winning. If I'm closer to the bottom then so be it, but I will not back down.. never! Years ago I had a chance to enter a contest for writing, chosen by my teacher. I wrote the story and everything, but i didn't send it. My mom thought the teacher sent it for me, my teacher thought my mom did, a stupid decision on my part and it has haunted me ever since. I'm going to remove that horror from my mind by actually competing and completing my promise, the thing I failed to be able to do so long ago....... compete.

Getting Down With the Sickness

2008-01-26T21:25:00.000-03:30

So far this week I've gotten two days off school because of snowstorms and I'm LOVING it! Getting to stay home, slide and throw snowballs into my sister's face while she makes snow angels in fresh powdery snow. But along with these days off has been a problem, a problem half of Newfoundland is facing.

The Common Cold!!!

I caught it last weekend, right after my birthday party and I've suffered its terrible talons ever since. I've been blowing my nose in blustery winds for a whole week! This is abnormal because I'm one of those people who almost NEVER get sick, maybe once a year, but other than that NEVER. But now I'm suffering, my throat is sore and scabbed, the voice I'm speaking with is much to raspy to be recognizable as my own and I'm pale as the snow that surrounds me. I hate this! I can barely enjoy the beauty of winter with this malady, and as I walk around i see that such problems are not for me alone, my dad, my mom, my friends, my nan and my pop have it, only my sister remains among several other survivors but it will reach her too, it is only a matter of time.

But for now I embrace it, what other options do I have? I've simply been getting worse, never better. My only choice is to Get Down With the Sickness.

Blood Droplets to the Needlepoint

2008-01-21T17:24:00.000-03:30

Guess its obvious by the title that this post will be either creepy and morbid or about giving blood. Well the second one is partly right, I've got the blood test finally finished! The needle poked into a vein in my arm, my blood filled three vials and no further troubles, I mean not even a droplet of pain, I was surprisingly relieved. I stopped bleeding real quick (hope thats a good sign) and I was out of the cold, office-like hospital in less than 10 minutes.

Problem about this is because of the delays my results will be back in FEBRUARY! I mean COME ON! How long should it take to get some fucking blood analyzed! Sorry that I lost control of my tongue back there but I'm infuriated, I was supposed to get this test in DECEMBER! I wanted this damned surgery DONE AND OVER WITH! But now once again, thanks to the imbeciles at the hospital I'll be waiting once more, I wouldn't be surprised if I never got the damn surgery, that'd be all too plausible after so many long waits!

Glistening Eyes of the Hopeful

2008-01-19T14:44:00.000-03:30

Tears are the greatest expression. It tells guilt, fear, happiness, love, hate, anger but most of all sadness. I share your tears for the broken hearted, those of wilted dreams, those of faded souls. If I could help them I would.... but would I really, if I could save another, younger, more important life in exchange for my own, would I? Its a question we all ponder, whether it be a staggering prick in the front of our thoughts or an unconscious idea straying in the backs of our mind can we and would we help them.

But that has no point as to my statement, I feel the pain of these people, these children. Those who lose their identity in the false promises of others. It is these things that plant the seed of hatred, a seed that will eventually grow into a tree with strangling roots, tearing all nourishment from the soil around it.

False promises woven in a flowing silk, how can anyone make them? How do we endure the thought of people making these promises every day.

I feel great sadness that so few notice the pains of those around us , hopefully somebody will soon pass a giving hand to these people, the children that were, so that they will return to the childish glee of freedom, the makeshift illusion it brings to the glistening eyes of the hopeful..

Cake and Constantly Crashing Computers

2008-01-15T22:00:00.000-03:30

I haven't been around for a while which in my opinion isn't acceptable. I made a commitment by creating this blog and I believe that entitles me to the responsibility of posting every now and then without the propaganda that seems to be blocking the page to which I was previously watching. Today I have much to talk about so get your ears and eyes ready, for this'll be a longer post than is usual for me :)

Firstly I must state the main reason as to why I haven't been around lately, the computer, it wasn't preforming up to snuff. Which, in turn, drove me dad into craziness that his beloved child of constant, tedious strain wasn't the embodiment of perfection. So he overclocked until it crashed, and it crashed and it crashed some more. Eventually he realized he was doing more harm than help so.. FINALLY he got some new stuff. Usually I'd be overjoyed that games'd work better and *gasp* no crashing! But alas everything good comes with a price. As dad bought a motherboard he found out he needed a new fan, making two days with no computer, we get the fan, everybody is happy, finally a chance to check emails and write some ideas that've been boiling within our minds for so long... or was that just me.. Anyway we find out that once again theres a problem the motherboard needs a place to put both hardrive and disc drive (dad's words not mine, I dont speak the language so this is a cheap translation) but it could only hold one, but we needed both. The disc thing was cheaper so we went another day without the computer, all the while my hair was getting tired or being pulled in strain as I watched and waited to return to the glorious novel me and Becca are co-writing. Now I'm back, pouring out thoughts into the blog and the novel, hopefully both will be regarded with the passion i pour into both.

Next HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!! Okay so it was two days ago but this is the best I can do, I was demoted to a notepad for days... I got an ipod nano (as if mom hid the fact well), an awesome t-shirt, a not so awesome shirt (family I haven't been around in a while) and money. I cant wait until my party, which I planned for this friday, I love having a party every year with my friends as we either watch a movie or fool around for hours, simple pleasures I guess. I treated myself to a trip to chapters, the bookstore and bought Salem's lot (stephen king) and Mr. B Gone (Clive Barker) two books that look to be incredible by two of the best authors EVER!

Also I must say about mine and Becca's book thats being written. I'm so excited, I love the rough design of a plot and intricate detail of a world we've so far created and i've made for myself the most dynamic character I've ever written, a tortured and slightly insane teen of the future... The best kind.. I'll have dillusions and ravings all taking place within the depths of his mind, along with the harrowing tale of his past and the twisted tale that will be traveled thoroughly by him, (I love alliterations, words that keep going in a sentence that all start with the same letter).

Also I promise to keep in touch with all you guys, this place has gotten empty without my posts and your comments.

Back 2 Writing

2007-12-20T20:39:00.000-03:30

I finished the story about dreams that fortell death and now I'm moving on to another short story called 'Mort for Short' its a story about an old widower, who's also a gravekeeper. On the first anniversary of his wife's death he sees her wandering around her grave. Upon speaking to her ghost he finds that she no longer remembers anything o9f living, including him. He tries to make her remember him and their life and I'm actually thinking about a strange yet actually slightly happy ending...

Death Note

2007-12-09T12:14:00.001-03:30

Holy crap, this is one amazing series!

I first heard of it from my friend Brad and when i saw it I thought, 'god damn its anime'. Because I seriously believe that most anime is only worth a fleeting glance and to be forever forgotten. BUT this is not like usual anime. Yes it has the anime components, the same type of drawings as every other anime, the supernatural ideas and of course being set in Japan. BUT its more about the way that even a person with pure ideals and good beliefs can be easily turned to evil when power is involved.

Death Note is about a guy who finds a.... document type thing i guess, that was 'lost' by a death god (the demons that are the reason for the death of humans) the god that once held the document in his possesion is bound to the guy who found it and uses this 17 year old kid to make his life more interesting by using him to cause chaos and give this death god something to do. The kid seeks to make a greater world by ridding the earth of all of its criminals, using the document, the death note. It shows how he keeps himself hidden from the police, protects himself from nosy FBI agents, and still tries to fix the world, while still trying to act as if he's leading a normal life.

So far only 8 episodes of 36 (or 38, i'm unsure) are dubbed but if you like the series enough (like me) it'll be worth it to read the english subtitles.

http://www.deathnote.tv/list.php

Sweeny Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street

2007-12-09T11:57:00.000-03:30

This looks amazing! I need to see this. A truly dark and revenge filled tale, of a man who lost everything and plans to get it back from the tip of his razor.

But the best part about it is the fact that its not all dark and evil (though I do like that atmosphere) it also holds a light-hearted love story between the pages. It seems like a movie that you'll remember forever and watch a hundred times, I truly hope its actually as good as I think it will. Though I do believe that with the cast of Johnny Depp, Sacha Baron Cohen (Borat), Alan rickman (snape), Timothy Spall (wormtail) and Helena Bonham Carter (Bellatrix LeStrange and the monkey that looks like michael jackson in planet of the apes ) and the director of Tim Burton (sleepy hollow was amazing) we'll have a movie thats undoubtfully incredible!

http://www.movieweb.com/video/V07J6WrdETZimX

EARLY FREEDOM! :D

2007-12-03T13:47:00.000-03:30

Got out of school lunchtime because of a power outage, YAY WINTER!

Great Book - Death of a Darklord

2007-12-02T21:09:00.000-03:30

I'm in love with a book.... wow that sounded awkward...

I bought Death of a Darklord by Laurell K. Hamilton when I was on my trip to Ontario, not because of rarity or souvenir value, no. I was incredibly intrigued by the nature of the book and the little I read at the ontario bookstore, I said I'd start reading it at my next writers block, I read it this week and it was incredible, a twisting story and a beautifully dark storyline about a girl named Elaine Clairn in a world filled with corruption who struggles to learn magic against her fathers prejudices. This book is worth every moment of attention you can spoare it, i hate to be promoting a product but BUY IT! BUY IT! BUY IT!

Death of a Darklord by Laurell K. Hamilton - best book I've ever read.

December

2007-12-01T19:39:00.000-03:30

Finally the month full of commercial advertisements, christmas jingles, TV specials and cookies has come. Gifts will be found under trees, children and stubborn older people will fantasize about midgits making toys and a big fat bearded man who drags them around the world. Snow will fall and so will the spirits of happy teens and adults who come to find that their driveway needs to be shovelled.

The first major snowstorm is supposed to hit tonight, hopefully enough to build a snowman but just a little less than is shovelable (is that even a word, it should be). I also cant wait until the christmas specials flood TV so that I have an excuse to sit in front of the TV and remember the past.... what truly is the past really, in Christmas its supposed to be happy and joyful and all of that bullshit (forgive me) but last year was much less than joyful, lets just 'remember' that shall we.

Last year, since September, we knew that my nan had alzheimers... not a good feeling. In December she was getting much worse, rambling about how she wasn't in Pouch Cove, she wanted to go home and my pop was his mother. Now during this time my pop had fallen ill, since early November, his family doctor said something was terribly wrong but the hospital docs said 'its just stress', turns out that 'stress' wasn't the problem, he had cancer. Theres not a day that goes by that I dont blame the hospital for his death. Anyway nan was admitted to a home on the 22nd and on the following day my pop was admitted into the hospital. An empty christmas had been given to us and I had no choice but to accept. Atleast I know that this year'll have to be better... I hope.

Great Fun

2007-12-01T19:27:00.000-03:30

Last night I went to my friend Brad's birthday. It was amazingly fun, but the most memorable part was made in my expence.

We were spinning around mindlessly in his front yard awaiting the others to come outside, I had been going especially fast and was falling around everywhere. I was told I was getting close to the ditch so I stopped, the world spinning, nothing was still. I thought I was headed for Brad's house but instead I strode right into the ditch. Falling straight on my ass into a pile of water and muck. I couldn't help but laugh at myself, who couldn't? If I lived farther away then maybe, just maybe, I'd have been more dissappointed, but since I was within walking distance of a clean pair of jeans it didn't bother me. I walked home, got dry clothes and walked right back, less than five minutes. Truthfully I'll never forget that night, or my stupidity and frankly, I doubt I'll be spinning around for no apparant reason any time soon.

Over And Done..... Not Quite

2007-11-26T14:22:00.000-03:30

Guess what? No surgery for now.... I KNEW it.... I knew something had to go wrong.

It turns out that I might have a blood disease that could complicate the surgery, I'll have to take a bunch of tests and I'll hopefully have surgery done sometime in January... SHIT... I'm gonna spend my birthday in the hospital..... This just sucks I want this OVER AND DONE WITH!

Novel Breakthrough

2007-11-19T22:09:00.000-03:30

Killing off characters really worked (thanks Becca) the story really is better and finally its interesting enough for me to find a way to continue to the actual 'hunt', I've got just the extra push I'll need when I'm bedridden for two weeks.

Yeah surgery is still on my mind, its finally found reality in my mind and truthfully I just want it to be done and over with, no dangling the prize or a regular back in front of me while I fell the pain like a knife in my right shoulder. Soon it'll be over, the pain gone the normality found my life as it never was. But I wonder could it be the pain the fuels my writing, the pain that I no longer notice because of consistance, could I lose all that I've strived for with the promise of being just an inch closer to normality.

I'd say probably not but after being given the chance for paranoia I seize it and use it like a candle in the dark, a beacon toward my destination and a sheild to what is possible but improbable.

Halloween

2007-11-01T16:58:00.000-02:30

I decided I would not be grown out of halloween for a LONG time and went out trick-or-treating last night with a HUGE gang of people (9 is a lot for me). 6 of them went back in while me and two others stayed out for another hour before retreating back to Jess' house. Really fun night, wont quit halloween ever again :D

Jubilancy

2007-10-29T21:37:00.001-02:30

Happiness flows as blood in my veins
I am hidden from any insignificant pain.
Nothing can matter
until my smile is long shattered.
hidden away
lost until another jubilant day.

Happiness washes away my hurt
I'm nothing but a smiling a lovable flirt.
Stupid smiles masking my pleasure
a jubilancy I could never measure.

Smiles tear across my face
a land to which frowns dare not grace.
Insecurities and tears long lost
as a lake stolen by an accidental frost.
But will my happiness ever melt
my frowns awaiting for hurt to be felt?
A hammer raised to my stupidity in smile,
should it matter, not for a while.

I`ll bask in the smiles the love and the joy
until depression crawls back, unhidden but coy.
For what will I do without what I hold
will I sit alone telling stories untold.
Of a land thats true, unhidden and clean
where you`ll find what will never exist but hopes to be seen

Theatre of Sorrow

2007-10-25T23:50:00.002-02:30

a theatre of sorrow
your heart I need to borrow
for mine was long broken
from words said and unspoken
Words in form of whisper and shout
tell us what to be insecure about
what we wear who we hold
and those special things left untold

A theatre of sorrow
I hope to leave tomorrow
but such promises faded to past
to which I dread will not last
I forget who I am
and stand alone again
surround by many
but never accompanied by any

A theatre of tears
insecurities and fears.
All that I wish to shed
while all is left unsaid
I want to speak up by my voice falls to whisper
in this world of sadness I just want to lean in and kiss her...

A theatre of fears
when nobody cares.
Stand alone, wish for more
stand together, swim for shore.
We're alone wherever we stand
love and promises naught but sand.
Why do we waste our time
on all these unforgotten crimes

I'm standing in a theatre full of friends
hoping, waiting for it all to end.
To find whats true, unhidden and clean
to find what will never exist but hopes to be seen.

What I've noticed...

2007-10-24T18:53:00.000-02:30

I noticed that most of my comments hold no significance, I rarely critisize and I hold out on the details of how the poetry or story is desirable. But no more If I have nothing good to say I'll say something constructive. I know that getting critisism or a detailed explanation on what you did right is always better than an 'Incredible job' so I'm gonna practice what I'm preaching.